Sunday, October 2, 2011

While I wait

Tomorrow night I begin adoption classes. 3 Monday nights in a row through my home study agency. The Sunday before the 3rd class, I begin another set of classes that are on Sunday nights for 6 weeks at Brentwood Baptist and will go along with a book I just started reading called The Connected Child. There's also a conference called Empowered to Connect which just happened here in Nashville while I was in India so I missed it. I'm super excited that they are offering this class. So many things to prepare for and learn about things adopted children could struggle with. I'm so excited to be a mom and have absolutely no hesitations about moving forward but I also know that there could be a lot of things that could arise in the future as a result of the first years of my child's life before he came home. In contemplating some of the topics these classes will touch on, I started thinking about my sweet little man and how snuggly he was. I started wondering what his first few years have been like. He just clung to me when I picked him up. That makes me think he's not totally unfamiliar with affection and perhaps even a mothers love. But it also makes me think that he's very desperate to have that again. He screamed and threw a tantrum when I put him down. There was no gently, quietly putting him down without waking him. He knew the difference between being held and being laid in a crib. And he was mad to be back in that crib. I so wish I could bring him home right now. The less time in an orphanage and the more time I could have with him, to begin healing his hurts and teaching him what love looks like - the kind of love that isn't going to leave - I would be there in a heartbeat if I could go get him and bring him home right now. It makes me sad to think of any hurt or heartache in his life. It makes me sad to think of all he may have been through in his first few years on this earth. And I just want to scoop him up in my arms and love on him and tell him he's home and he's safe and loved. I'm longing for the day when I can and praying the Lord will move heaven and earth to make it happen. I already feel like his mom and every day that passes, it is getting harder and harder to be here when he's way over there. But in the midst of all this - I know the Lord loves him even more than I do. And I have to trust Him with this sweet little boy. I'm thankful that his orphanage is rather good and there are missionaries and teams going in there and loving on those kiddos pretty regularly. That gives me peace. I just pray that God keeps my little boy safe, healthy and well loved on until he gets to his forever home. And praying that he can come home soon. Every day that passes is one more day I missed with him. It's getting harder.
I may seem like a fundraising machine and some people might by now be sick of all my adoption posts about my blog store, yard sale, t-shirts for sale, etc. But here's my motivation - there is a sweet little boy halfway across the globe waiting for a mom and as each step in this adoption progresses, I don't want to be the one holding it up because of lack of finances. If things move quickly (and I pray they do) and doors start opening - I want to be ready to run through them because it means I'm one step closer to bringing him home. I already feel like his mom and as a mom, I'm gonna do every thing I can to get him here. I don't know what he's been through, I don't know what issues may arise when he gets here or how he'll adjust or attach to me - but I know that I'm gonna love him - no matter what. And I'm gonna read every book I can and take every class I can to be prepared in advance to be whatever he needs me to be so that he can know that he is loved and wanted and is home. 

2 comments:

  1. Oh, Autumn! No dry eyes over here after reading this post!! Your sincere heart is just beautiful. God is already blessing you and providing the way for this adoption to occur. Just keep your eyes on that goal and you WILL attain it!! I am so happy for you and utterly touched at your desire to mother this boy. I feel honored to witness this entire process. Please know that I am praying for you and that baby boy regularly!

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  2. Love this post and your heart. I didn't know you were doing the classes..that's great!

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Perseverance

By definition Perseverance is: steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, o...