Monday, May 21, 2012

Until We're No Longer Apart

Having a hard day today. Nobody ever said adoption was easy and it's certainly not for the faint of heart. But there are precious children who are so worth it all and so we hold on.

I'm trying to get to you
I can't get there fast enough
I'm trying to get to you
I wish you could feel my love

I'm trying to do all I can do
but there are mountains in the way
mountains that only God can move
Hold on little boy
your momma is coming as soon as she can
and the Father, He has you
and your name is written on the palm of His hand

Oh how loved you are
do you even know?
by the God of the Universe
and the momma who can't wait to bring you home

Hold on little man
I'm trying to get to you
I will do all that I can
and I know Jesus will too

It's hard for me to wait
I know it's hard for you too
But I'm believing for miracles
and it's faith that gets me through

I'm trying to get to you
I'm ready to bring you home
Please stay strong
And know you're not alone
I may be far away
but you're right here in my heart
And I'll keep trying to get to you
Until we're no longer apart.


Love you little man! 
~Mommy

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day is Hard

It's a hard day for a lot of people.
Those who lost their moms, some of them who've lost a mom just this year.
Those who so deeply desire to be moms but haven't been able to either because it just hasn't happened yet, or infertility, adoptions that have fallen through or are a taking very, very long time, those who have husbands that don't want children or those waiting for a husband first.
Those who didn't have a mom growing up or had one but she was abusive or neglectful.
Those in hard circumstances who made the brave decision to give birth and make an adoption plan for their child.
Those who have lost children both before they were born or after - who mourn the loss all over again every year at this time.

All of these things and probably many, many more that I didn't list are reasons why Mother's Day can be sad instead of joyful for a lot of woman around the world. This morning at church, several people came over and said Happy Mother's Day to me. It meant a lot to me to be acknowledge as a mom, even though my child is not here yet or legally my child. It meant a lot to me that others recognized that it might be a hard day for me and for others. It meant a lot to me that my church prayed and acknowledged that it can be hard and that this year they didn't ask the moms to stand up. I was dreading the moment that they might do that - not wanting to stand but yet wanting to. Knowing I'm not officially, legally a mom yet but also knowing that I am a mom fighting for her child now and for the past 9+ months. So thankful they didn't ask the moms to stand up. So thankful they prayed and acknowledged all the hurt in the room. I know I wasn't the only one who was having a hard day.

In the midst of all that - in sorrow, there's also gladness for today I recognize and honor my mom and so many others who have been like mothers to me. There are many, over the years - family, friends families, and mentors. I have truly been blessed by some seriously amazing woman. And though some of them are not moms "officially" or "legally" - they have served in a mother figure role to me. So I think in a way, we're all moms to someone. Whether you're a mom because you babysit once in awhile and look after someone else's kids or teach Sunday school for an hour a few times a month, or take a moment to be in a mothering role to a friend going through a hard time - it all matters. It all looks similar to the mom role. So to all of the woman out there - Happy Mother's Day. You don't have to have children to mother others. Never underestimate the power of the love of a dear sister who jumps in and takes on a mothering role, even if just for a moment in time. These are the moments that change lives. These are the women God uses. And I'm honored to be among so many of them.

There is joy in the midst of sadness. There are amazing women in our midst. Many who don't even realize how truly amazing they are. Many who had a hard day today. If you're reading this and you're one of them - just know that it's ok to be sad - take your sorrows to Jesus' - he hears your cries and loves you. You are a daughter of the Most High King! He knows the desires of our heart and he longs to give good things to His children. Cast your cares on Him. And remember how deeply you are loved.

Happy Mother's Day.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

For this child I prayed

The tree in my son's room is almost finished. Names have been added to the leaves and the only thing left is to add any new names between now and the time I get him home. I also need to add something above the painting. Was originally going to have it say "Love Brought Me Home" but am not sure if that will still be the case. Was thinking instead of having it be the scripture from 1 Samuel that says "for this child I prayed". Working on his room has given me something to do to pass the long months of waiting. I can't control the waiting but it at least makes me feel like I'm working toward getting him home when I can work on his room and this painting. 
On Easter, my small group with 2 couples and their combined 6 kids were at my house. The photo below is all the kiddos playing in my little guys room. I'd say it passed the kid friendly test:) 
Can't wait till he's really here.