When do you become a mother?

When is the exact moment that you become a mother? Is it the moment the courts tell you that it's official? Is it the moment you have your Embassy date and you get to bring your child home? Is it the moment you first hold your child? Or is it the moment that you first decide to step out in faith in this crazy journey called adoption?






I kind of think it's all of the above and everything in between.




I don't know if the general public would agree with me or not. But I guess it doesn't really even matter. What matters is that you're in this thing... for the long haul... as long as that haul might be. There are days when it feels surreal and so far off in the future that you can't even really grasp it. And there are other days when it feels more than real and you can picture your life, your home, your world with this little person in every part of it. There are days when it feels like nothing is happening. But thankfully, there are more days than that where I am reminded that God is the one in control and that He sees the big picture and just so happens to have perfect timing. When I can't see why it's taking so long, I know He can. And I have to be ok with that.




I'm reminded of the scripture that is painted on the walls of an orphanage where I just so happened to have met an adorable little 2 year old snuggle bug that instantly stole my heart:




For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11




He knows. He cares. He is in this thing. And whether the general consensus says I'm already a mother or not, I feel like one. Ready and willing to wait, to fight, to pray and to trust - all to get one very precious little child home to his momma who is gonna love him with all that she is!

His Room

Spreadsheets are fun!

I spent the entire morning creating one big spreadsheet in excel that lists all my adoption donations and expenses paid out thus far. Paypal is great because I was able to download all the paypal transactions from their site so I didn't have to manually add those in. Everything else, I've been writing down in a notebook, keeping receipts, etc. since this process started. It feels WAY more official and organized to have it all in a spreadsheet that adds and subtracts for me! I love spreadsheets.
My total raised so far numbers were off a little bit so I've updated that in the fundraising thermometer. It's so amazing to go through this 270 line spreadsheet and see all the names of all the amazingly generous people who have supported this adoption! I am so thankful. I cannot say enough how thankful I truly am!!!

To date, here's where I'm at with adoption expenses:
$16,565.64 grand total raised for my adoption
$11,348.07 already paid out for adoption related expenses
$5217.57 leftover and ready to go toward the $10,000 Ethiopia program fee when I accept the referral - this happens once his paperwork is finally done. They'll give me the official referral on him and I believe I have 5 days to accept it (after having a doctor who specializes in reading International medicals look over it and explain everything to me) and pay the $10K.

Thank you to everyone who has contributed!!! Praying his paperwork is done soon so I can move on to the next phase and be that much closer to having my little man home:)

I have a dream

That someday soon I'll get a phone call from my adoption agency telling me my little guy's paperwork is finished and we can move forward to the next step and a court date. That I'll pass court the first time and be able to go back for my Embassy date and gotcha day shortly after and bring home my son.

Last night I dreamed that he was home - my best friend Stacey was with me in the dream and we were at a playground and he was laughing and talking and smiling bigger than I've yet to see him smile when I saw him in person or when any of my friends who've gone since have seen him. And he would run back over to me every few minutes from playing and just give me a big hug. In the dream, my friend commented on how amazed she was that he was already so attached to me after only a week.

I know I dreamed about him once before and I was there in Ethiopia with him but I think this was the first time I dreamed of him here. I woke up smiling thinking about it and praying God would make it a reality soon. I trust the Lord. I trust His timing. And I trust that He loves this little boy even more than I do and wants him home with his momma. Praying for breakthrough and favor in all of it. And praising God for bringing me to Ethiopia last July so that I was able to meet that sweet little snugglebug who melted in my arms and stole my heart.

I have a dream he'll be home soon. And I'm praying the Lord moves heaven and earth to make that dream come true. Believing He will. He's bigger than all of it!!!

Getting Ready

Hard to believe tomorrow is a new year already. This one flew by. I started the year researching adopting as a single and praying about whether God was saying yes or no or wait. No clear yes or no for most of the year so I waited and kept on praying. In July, I led a team of 24 to Uganda & Ethiopia and on the second half of our journey - we visited an orphanage and my life was changed in a moment. I got my answer. The moment I picked up a sweet little boy and he laid his head on my shoulder, hugged tight and made himself at home in my arms. I chose him but he chose me first it seems. What a little snuggle bug. My heart melted in an instant. I wish I could show you a photo my teammate Ashley took at that precise moment when he snuggled in and I closed my eyes and soaked up the moment. It is my most favorite photo and it's so neat that it was taken that very first moment we met. I will treasure it forever. Someday I'll share it with y'all - once it's ok to post his pictures.
I've spent the entire week off painting. I painted a living room dark brown and I painted my little guys room a blueish color called Misty Surf. I LOVE it. It's so cheery and yet peaceful. I cannot wait until his little feet walk on these floors and his little smile lights up these rooms. I can't wait till I get to wrap him up in his new hooded bath towels that my co-worker and friend Merrill made for him. I can't wait to tuck him into his bed and read him stories in the rocking chair that I will soon have. I can't wait to show him on the globe I got for his room where mommy came all the way across the ocean to find him. I can't wait to be the one who takes care of him and makes sure he's loved and well fed and healthy. I can't wait to be the one who kisses him goodnight and tells him how loved he is. I can't wait for all of it. I can't wait till he's home.
I'm praying that 2012 will be the year that I bring him home. I'm hoping and praying by summer but of course, the timing is not in my control or I'd already have him here. I hope and pray that this Christmas was my last Christmas without him here and I'm so looking forward to next Christmas together as a family.
As I head into 2012, I'm hoping, praying, believing I'll have my son home soon. I just hit $17,000 raised toward this adoption so far - that is just mind blowing. The Lord has been opening doors and putting it on hearts and so many people have given so generously to this adoption. Thank you, thank you! On behalf of me and my little boy - THANK YOU. And may God bless you in 2012 in so many ways!

You can help me get $2000 by voting

This is so awesome. My friend and co-worker Casi submitted me to be in the running for a $2000 adoption grant from the Angel Foundation for Kids and I actually ended up in the top 10. The winner will be chosen based on who has the most votes. It's super simple to vote - you don't have to register or anything. Just visit the website (link below) and choose: Autumn - Ethiopian Adoption and click vote. It only takes a moment. Please vote. I'm currently in 3rd place but WAY behind the top 2. Thanks so much.

http://angelfoundationforkids.wordpress.com/voting-page/

All I Want for Christmas

Best Christmas present ever this year would be getting a call from my adoption agency telling me that they have received my little guys paperwork and have his official referral for me. Once that happens, I could have a court date within a few months. That would be a dream come true. Praying, praying, praying. With God all things are possible. I know it takes years sometimes. I promise I'm not being impatient. I just believe prayer is powerful and our God is bigger than all of this. So that's what I want for Christmas - everyone who can to send up some prayers with me for the referral to come.

In the meantime, I just had a merch table at the Christmas Marketplace at my church this past weekend and it was so fun. But on top of being fun, it was just so sweet how many people asked about my adoption and bought stuff to support it and honestly, a handful of people didn't even buy anything - they just handed me a few dollars here and there as a donation. I was blessed by the support and encouraging words. And of course, even though I can't post pictures online, I am always ready to show off pics of my little man in person so the table was decked out with 3 framed pictures of him and a video that I put together for my concert was playing on my laptop on loop. So this was interesting - a friend from church said the other night she dreamed about me and my adoption and in the dream I was stressed out because they found out my little boy has a sister and I was trying to figure out if I would adopt them both or not. The weird thing about her dream is that it could happen. I've known from day 1 that while they are gathering his info, it could turn out he has siblings. This is why I am approved to adopt up to 2 children. So when she said that she dreamed that, I'm gonna be honest - it kind of freaked me out. Could just turn out to be a dream and only a dream. But wouldn't it be weird if it turned out he does have 1 sibling and it's a girl? Of course, I have no way of knowing at the moment but once I get that referral and all his paperwork is together, I'll know then. So we'll see if that dream turns out to mean anything. Financially speaking, I would have to get even more creative but if he has sibling - I will not separate them. I would adopt them both. Thus the reason I applied for up to 2 children - just in case. Now if he has 2 siblings, not sure I even could adopt 3 even if I wanted to. At the moment, I'm only approved for 2. Anyway, that's just a random thing that came up at the marketplace that has been in my brain swirling around all weekend.

I just cannot wait to get my little man home. I'm painting his room the week of Christmas and I got the paint the other day. And my friends are letting me use a crib that converts into a toddler bed for him - they dropped it off at my house yesterday. I'm almost done with my dossier and praying, praying, praying his paperwork is almost done too.

Would love your prayers!