Prayer, missions and school - an August update

I don't know what happened specifically but I know the last really hard night with lots of tears and melting down - I did some serious praying and battling against the enemy on behalf of my sweet boy. Something broke that night. Never underestimate the power of prayer. It is our weapon in a battle field spiritually. The enemy seeks to steal, kill and destroy. But we serve a God who is victorious. And when we pray like it, it is powerful.

Shortly after that night, we went on a mission trip to the Bahamas. A church invited Mihretu and I to go and though it was kind of short notice (just enough notice to get his passport expedited), we jumped in and said yes. I was nervous about how he might do but excited to find out. Y'all he did AMAZING!!! Better than I ever dreamed. We did a lot of exhausting travel every day back and forth between 3 islands and it was hot there. Really hot. He did not complain at all. He loved getting to be with all the kids at the children's home on the island where 10 of our 40 people team was staying. He loved being part of the vbs camp too. Not one meltdown. Not one issue. My boy rocked it. I was blown away. He even fell asleep each night next to me on a mattress on the floor in a big room with the lights on and all the ladies talking and didn't even have any trouble falling asleep like that. Probably cause he was so tired but still, I did not know how that would go but he rocked it. I am so proud of him. We can't wait to go back and I'm actually leading a trip there next June and bringing him with me. It's a family focused trip so folks with kids 7 and up are welcome to join us, as are folks without kids:) It'll be a small team and we'll go spend time building relationships with the staff and kids at Zion Children's Home. It feels to us like we're going back to visit dear friends or family. They are absolutely precious and we can't wait to go back.

 

Another development or breakthrough has happened in the last few weeks. Mihretu started saying he missed school and actually wanted to go back. I was so happy because he didn't love it last year and I thought he'd be really sad to go back. So I was thrilled when he started saying he couldn't wait to go back. Last week was his first week. He did great. He said 2nd grade was easier than 1st grade and was so excited to get back into his "works" as they call them in Montessori school.

I'm so proud of my boy. The last 4-5 months he's just seemed to grow in maturity by leaps and bounds. He is such a helper too. He loves helping me clean or trim bushes or do yard or house work. Here's hoping that lasts into the teen years. It's really cool that he enjoys doing that kind of stuff and he does a really good job too. He helped me knock out some yard work this weekend in half the time. I hate yard work so I was all for that.

I'm so thankful I get to be his momma. He's a smart, funny, awesome kid. I can't imagine life without him.

Trauma meets Connection

We had a dear friend come visit and that was awesome but M also had one of the biggest meltdowns ever while she was here. She left Sunday but he's had a few more minor ones this week as well. I am happy to report that I have stayed calmed and focused on connecting for all of them, even the big one while my friend was here. This probably sounds weird but in a way it was nice to have someone else witness it cause most of the time it's just me and him and no one to understand what just happened or why that was so draining for both of us. Having another adult here was comforting. Knowing she was praying and texting encouragements to me from the guestroom she retreated to to give us space was so reassuring. I think doing moments like that alone is the hardest part about single parent adoption because it's very rare that someone else is there for that hard stuff. Even if she couldn't help, just knowing she was there and praying helped me so much.

I know I post about such meltdowns on facebook when they happen and I'm sure some people picture a type of meltdown like every single kid has. Sometimes it's exactly that. But other times it is kind of like that but way more. And it's not ever really about what it's about. It's deeper. It's trauma coming to the surface. It's that cry that sounds like a baby but it's a 7 year old. I can tell the difference between the regular I didn't get my way tantrum and the trauma meltdown and you probably could too if you had witnessed both. My adoptive parent friends know exactly what I'm talking about. It's just hard to explain until you experience it. It's not our children's fault. They are not being brats. You have to look beyond the surface of what it seems to be about and remind yourself of their early start in life and all they've been through and pull out all that you've learned - to walk with them and remember you are their advocate - you are for them, not against them. It is a process of healing and it is not easy. For our kids or for us as parents. I don't remember these things every single time but when it's the trauma meltdown, I tend to remember more because it's so obvious that it's that. And I find that I have a lot more grace and patience in those moments which is especially when my son needs it the most.

If you are reading this and you haven't adopted or fostered or worked with kids with trauma or been through that type of training or have experience helping kids through this kind of thing - please refrain from giving your adoptive parent friends advice on parenting, especially if they didn't ask you for such advice. It's just different. Be ok with that and be ok with knowing it's different and just being able to say "I'm praying for you" rather than trying to give advice or comparing it to your biological child or saying things like "that boy/girl just needs some good ole fashioned discipline". It's usually at home where our kids are most comfortable that these trauma meltdowns happen so you may never see one. But they do exist. And traditional parenting doesn't work. Please trust me on this one.

Having my friend here to watch that interaction between my son screaming and crying and me trying to get creative and try every form of distraction and connection I could even possibly think of and yet still watch the episode last 2 exhausting hours - reminded me that trauma is still there. I don't see it as much as I did in year 1 or 2, but it's still there. And I know all kids have meltdowns and all parenting is hard. But there is something about trauma that just wreaks havoc on our sweet kiddos and it's not a quick fix. You can't just love it away in a year or two or even 5. When a child goes without their basic needs met, it wires their brain a certain way and it takes a lot of time and connection to rewire it. When a child goes to bed hungry without food or water, it does something to their body. They may not remember it consciously but you better believe when they get the slightest bit hungry, their body remembers it. So when my kid wants a snack in the bed every single night and needs water next to the bed - you bet I put it there because the last thing he needs to worry about is if he'll get those basic needs met. There's just a lot you learn on this journey. And I'm still learning. I'm sure it's a never ending process of learning. So thankful for all the resources out there to help us along this journey. Ultimately my goal in sharing about it all - the good and the hard, is so that future adoptive parents won't be disillusioned about any of this. I don't feel that it does anybody - the families or the kids - any favors to sugar coat it. It's worth it 100% but it's still hard. And I want those future adoptive families to be ready for that and to have resources to arm yourselves with.

If you are praying about adopting or fostering - I highly recommend you learn the name Dr. Karyn Purvis and you dive into her research and teachings. I read Dr. Karyn Purvis' book "The Connected Child" and was able to attend the Empowered to Connect Conference based on those principles during my adoption process. I truly cannot imagine trying to parent my son without all that I've learned from this woman's teachings. They have video clips on the website and amazing resources. I cannot recommend these resources more. This woman and her teaching has been truly life giving. When I saw yesterday that she passed away at the young age of 66 after a valiant fight with cancer, I just couldn't help but cry. I didn't even personally know her or ever have the chance to meet her in person and yet I felt the depth of gratitude come over me in a wave of emotions for all the work this women did in her short life to encourage and equip adoptive families and to teach us that every child can heal.

I've always loved this quote from her:
"I've never once met a child who can't come to deep levels of healing if you understand what they need." - Dr. Karyn Purvis

This woman left a legacy. I picture her standing before Jesus and hearing "well done good and faithful servant" and seeing her looking over her life and getting a glimpse at just how many families she impacted with her work. I wonder if she really truly knew earthside just how life giving her life and work was. Surely she knows now. Profound to think about. This past weekend the Empowered to Connect conference went on without her and I wasn't able to attend but I saw my fb feed blow up with life giving nuggets of wisdom. She clearly had a great team that will continue to carry out her legacy. And adoptive and foster families will benefit from this amazing teaching for many years to come. This momma is grateful. Oh so grateful.

Sure I feel like I failed 9 times out of 10 that first year when trauma would rear it's head a good 4-5 times every single day. I tried to sound like Karyn Purvis in the things I said and did and the ways I tried to walk my son through these meltdowns. It's taken time and practice and commitment to keep trying and to rewire my own brain to do this whole connected parenting thing cause it isn't the kind of parenting that would even come naturally. But wow does it work. When I can do it and stay calm and connect with my son - it really really works. It's amazing. So weary parent, if you're reading this and you feel like you're failing miserably at this - keep trying. It gets easier. It really does. Our kids are so worth it. You've got this.

A Valentine's Day update

I haven't really blogged that much this year. Life gets busy but I do love going back and reading all the blogs I wrote in that first year and reflecting on how far we've come. Every once in awhile we have a really hard day that reminds me to be extra thankful for how many smooth days we have now. That first year was a lot of hard days but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Very glad we are on this side of it now. We had a great Valentine's Day today. We went to church and then went out to lunch and to the park with a new friend who is also a single momma. Our kiddos played great together while we got to have grown up conversation:) After that, we came home and took the dog to the dog park so she could get her daily sprint in. This dog runs and jumps like a deer. And has just discovered she can jump our 4 ft fence like 2 weeks ago so I get to spend my tax refund on getting a 6 ft fence put in to replace the 4 ft section. Thankfully most of the yard is already 6 foot so I don't have to have the entire thing done. She jumps it like it's nothing and then takes off running all over the neighborhood. She always comes back and if I chase her she goes farther. If I get in the car and open the side door, she'll almost always jump back in. I'm not too worried about her running away but I am worried about her getting hit by a car. So I haven't been able to just let her outside these past few weeks which really bums her out. And means a lot more visits to the dog park for me. After the dog park, we played outside for a bit. Mihretu decided to get part of the way in the freezing cold pool with his jeans on. He thought that was so fun. He tried to talk me into it but one foot in and I was a no go. It is like ice cubes in that pool. I can't complain about the weather here though - even though the pool got really cold, the weather has been awesome. I like Florida winters! Today was sunny and 75. I had on flip flops and a tank top. Here's a pic of me and M from the park. 

After M went in the pool, he of course wanted a warm bath. Then we went for a walk and he rode his John Deere kid sized powered tractor while I walked the dog behind him. It makes for a noisy walk around the block but he loves it. Then he rode his bike and scooter up and down the driveway until dark. Then we came in and ate pizza while watching Star Wars Episode III and "staying up late" since there's no school tomorrow.  I wanted to empty the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen and Mihretu asked me if he could help and said "it'll be faster if we help together" so he washed the dishes in the sink while I unloaded the dishwasher. I hope his helpful side stays. It's pretty great that he loves to help with this kind of stuff. And I must say he washes dishes a lot better than some adults I know:) He's a cool kiddo. Here's him washing the dishes.

At church today, they gave all the ladies a rose. As a single momma, I especially loved that because it wasn't like I was getting roses today otherwise. We just watched Beauty and the Beast this past week and I commented in the car jokingly to M that the rose looked like the one in that movie and then said "do you think I'll meet my future husband before the last petal falls?" and Mihretu being so quick witted and always with perfect comedic timing said "I think so. But I hope he's not a beast." I cracked up.



He is so stinkin funny. And quick as the responses. I can't wait to see (well I can wait cause time is going by too fast already) what he'll be like when he's an adult. I just know God has big plans for him. He's so funny, outspoken, brave and bold. Sometimes some of those things can make for embarrassing moments like the other day when he followed people around at our garage sale asking them if they were going to buy anything and if they had kids, etc. He's certainly not shy. And he is a little bit obsessed with money. Which I can't quite figure out how to handle cause I'm certainly not. But he just loves money. I'm happy to say we're finally out of the "making fake money on little pieces of cut up paper every single day" stage. But he was all about making huge piles of his toys and books to try and make money at the garage sale. And he was super upset when by 10 am he had only made $15. I thought $15 was a lot as a kid. Apparently not the case these days. He actually started crying. We had to have a little talk about being grateful and thankful for what we have. By the end, he made $30 which was quite a lot for a kid and we went to target so he could pick out something with it. He's kind of into something called Shopkins right now. He's got a lot of friends at school who like these and that's where he first heard about it. So he bought two different sets with his money and had 6 cents to spare. He was super happy. All in all the garage sale wasn't as successful as we hoped and I'm not sure if this neighborhood is great for them or what the deal was but we didn't have all that many people. It was a gorgeous day though to be outside and having a garage sure made it easier. We were able to set up a few days in advance a little at a time and that helped make it a lot less stressful the morning of.

We've had a busy weekend - moreso than usual. Tomorrow is President's Day so it's a long weekend. Here's hoping little man sleeps in a bit. Lately he has been sleeping till 7:30 or 8 which is light years difference from the first year or so when he was quite the early bird. He cracks me up sometimes when I come in at 6:30 to wake him up from school and he said "ah man, I want to sleep longer". I think we're both still adjusting to being on Eastern time. I hadn't been on this time zone for 13 years. Amazing how much of a difference 1 hour can make. And then the time change thing - I'm always messed up for weeks after that. And oh goody, it's almost spring and we get to change it again. When are they ever going to just do away with the silliness that is "daylight savings time". I'm over it.

We get to go visit Nashville in March. I have to go for work cause we're having our annual leader training there since it's the best central location for leaders from all over. And we currently have 2 staff there, 2 of us in Florida and 1 in Alabama. I'm excited to go and see everyone, visit our old church and actually we're having the training in one of the buildings of that church. I am starting to prepare that this trip might be emotional for me and Mihretu. I had a really hard time with the whole missing our church thing for the first 6 months or so of being here. I didn't realize how much of an attachment I had to that place I had been part of for 12 years until I left. I miss all of my friends there too but I stay in touch with them and the last year and a half prior to moving, I had felt pretty disconnected and didn't see people nearly as much as I once did. It seemed like everyone's lives got crazy busy, a bunch of people who had always gone to that church left and I felt pretty isolated. In hindsight, I think it all helped prepare me to be able to leave and I'm thankful for that. But I've been surprised at how easy it has been to pick up life here and settle in. Especially once we found a church. I loved Nashville and literally never thought I'd ever ever leave. So the fact that I did leave and haven't been an emotional wreck about it has been a total God thing. However, I do think some emotion is going to hit me when I go back for the first time since leaving. And I suspect it will for M too. He's had weeks that have been hard and where he talks a lot about missing our other home and his old school and our old church and friends. He talks about the house the most and our friends bought it so we will actually go there when we visit which I am preparing will likely be hard for him but also hopefully provide closure as well. Praying for that especially. I think it makes sense that it would be hard on him since that was our first home together as a family and change is hard for kids anyway, especially kids who've experienced all he has in his short life. He's done amazingly well even though I know he's had some big feelings about the move. He does like it here and he really loved it when it was warm enough to swim every single day and go to the beach every weekend. It'll be back to those temps soon enough. He likes his school a lot now but at first he had a hard time cause 1st grade requires a lot more of him than K did and his teachers here expect a lot from him. He's doing great though and making tons of friends. Whenever we go to a birthday party or school function and I tell another parent who my child is - seriously every single time they say "oh Mihretu - my son/daughter talks about him all the time". He's that kid that makes everyone laugh and is a little social butterfly. The little girls especially love him. Who can blame them?

My best friend from high school moved here the same time we did and lives about an hour and a half away. We meet up with her family a lot at the beach or Busch Gardens and that has been a huge blessing and surprise. That wasn't even on the radar when we decided to move here so I've loved that. My friend Deb also lives about 45 min away and that's been nice. And I have a step grandma about 40 min away and some family friends about 25 min away so it's definitely nice to know you have people nearby that you already know and that was something I did not have when I first moved to Nashville in 2002 when I literally knew not even 1 person prior. I even just this past weekend got to know my neighbors a little bit more when they invited us over for the Super Bowl party. And that was a Godsend cause I was feeling really sad that day cause I didn't know anyone having one and always went to one in TN. So that was neat that they saw us outside and invited us over. I've started making some really great new friends here - ones that you can't imagine not knowing just a few short months ago. One of them is Jessica and she also now works with me. She's my friend I get to be silly with. Sometimes working for a non profit can be hard and laughter is the best medicine of all. Not everyone gets my dorky sense of humor but Jessica does and that's been really fun. And we started attending a small group right before Christmas that just resumed last week and I've been really enjoying getting to know these folks from church more. And have even gotten to know the pastor and his wife quite a bit already. I really love this church and just the genuineness of everyone there. Really great people that you just feel like really care and want to get to know you. You don't find that everywhere. I'm thankful. And Mihretu loves it and gets so excited everytime we go. He especially loves that two other little boys his age from Ethiopia are also there. I am grateful for how God is connecting us in our new location and looking forward to seeing what else He has for us here as time goes on.

Well, that's the update on us for now. I'm going to get to sleep just in case M doesn't sleep in tomorrow:)

War Room & Answered Prayers

We found a church! Literally the next Sunday (Oct 4) after I posted the previous blog about searching for a church - we found the one. My friend Ashlie whom I know through Visiting Orphans and who took some totally awesome pictures of Mihretu and I last month - invited us to her church. I had planned to go someplace else that weekend but decided to go to their church instead. One of her sons is from Ethiopia and when we got there there was another family I had met at a foster care event a few months back whose son is the same age as Mihretu and also Ethiopian. They go there too. Mihretu bonded instantly with their son. He really bonds on a whole other level with other kiddos from Ethiopia. He loved it so much, the following Saturday he started crying when he found out there was no church because it wasn't Sunday. I loved the worship and the message and just the small feel of it. It meets in a YMCA and is relatively new (Jan 2015) and there's about 30-40 people right now which is really nice. It's a Calvary Chapel church which I hadn't ever been to but have heard good things about. Loving it so much. The worship that first weekend - they played so many songs that my Nashville church used to play and the style was so similar. I just started crying. It just felt like our place. So I can move "finding a church" from the "praying for" to the "answered prayer" wall in my War Room. If you haven't seen that movie, it's great. And the main character is basically mentored by an older lady who shows her what a war room is and she creates one at home in her closet. I did that a few weeks ago and there's just something special about going into a closet and praying in there. I love it so much. Thankful to have a space I can do that. If you don't have a war room, I highly recommend creating one.

I'm so thankful we found our church home. Looking forward to connecting more with the other folks there. I'm in an adoption small group for 3 more weeks (another answer to prayer) and when that finishes, I'm planning to check out the small group in my area for our new church.

Here are some of those amazing pics my friend Ashlie Fulmer took of me and my little man. I love these so much.

Still searching for our FL church home

Moving to another state is hard sometimes. Most days I just go about my business and keep moving forward. But some days it just hits me like a brick wall - so many things we left behind in Tennessee - wonderful, life-giving things. Like all of our amazing friends. Like Mihretu's school. Like our house that we loved so much on the dead end next to the field where we would see deer and coyotes. Miss that place. And our church - Belmont Church on music row - where I found my first ever church home and where I invested 12 years of my life. The same church that I had a fundraiser concert at to bring Mihretu home and sold handmade items and Just Love coffee and paintings at the Christmas marketplace to help bring him home. The same place that welcomed him home with open arms and where he was dedicated and loved on week after week. The place where I grew from someone incredibly lost and broken to a daughter of the most high King. So much healing and growth happened there. Nashville is pretty transient so a lot of friends have come and gone from that church and that city over the years and that was hard - to connect with amazing friends and then watch them move away. But I still had that place to go to every week that was familiar and felt like home. Where there were many, many familiar faces always - people who had been going there or even working there for over 20 years. Long before I came there. That place has part of my heart. And today I saw a post from someone there with exciting news and I was so happy for them but the sadness immediately sunk in cause I'm not there to share in that excitement or all the life happening there. Or to walk into that place this Sunday and hear the most amazing musicians playing the most beautiful worship music in the world, seeing people I know filling the room and praising God with their whole hearts. I miss that place so much.

I fully believe God has a church home for us here and it will be great. We just haven't found it yet. We've been to something like 11 churches since we've moved here. Mihretu has been such a trooper about going into the kids areas at each one all by himself as I head into grown up church all by myself. He's gotten to the point where he comes out afterwards and gives me his version of a critique of how it was:) Every time we try a new one I have this hope that this could be it. And then I walk out feeling blah about it afterwards. I'm trying not to have expectations of what it will be like but I feel like I'll know when I find it. I just hope it's soon.

In the meantime, there's this awesome local ministry called Bridge A Life that does all kinds of great things for adoptive and foster families - parents night out with free childcare, picnics, meals for adoptive and foster families, moms night out and so on. I love this ministry. Anyway, last week I was on a prayer call with a friend and sharing how my biggest prayer is just to get connected to a community. We prayed for a church home and a small group and I had said "I would love it if there was a small group just for adoptive families." And what do you know - 20 minutes after we prayed that, an email went out from Bridge A Life saying a new small group was starting for adoptive families. Praise the Lord - this is awesome. It's at a local church and there's childcare so the kids will get to have fun while the adults have our group time. We went to that church for parents night out last weekend and then also tried it on Sunday and Mihretu loved it. So I am happy to know he will be excited to go there on Wed nights. Not sure if that's our church home but at least we can start connecting to other adoptive families on Wed nights there. And I think these families are coming from all different churches so perhaps we'll even get connected to one through another family. I know God will show us where we are supposed to be. I know we are supposed to be here. Just some days are hard and emotional thinking about the wonderful things we left behind. God is faithful. Can't wait to share with y'all how He provides a church home cause I know He will.

Our story - chapter 1

A Visiting Orphans team member wanted to chat with me this week to hear my adoption story. As I was sharing with her this morning, she asked me if I had this written down and I realized I have it written in segments in many blog posts but not all in one post. So I'm going to put it all together in one story here. God has been so faithful in this journey and I am a big believer that we should share our stories with others to remember what God has done, to encourage them and to be reminded that He is faithful and can be trusted. So I'm going to share our adoption story here, in one blog post. It's just chapter 1 cause our story is still being written. But it's a good first chapter with God's faithfulness weaved all throughout. I can't wait to see what the next chapter holds. 

I had been praying about adopting for many years but honestly wrestled with the fact that I wasn't yet married. I kept thinking I would just have to wait until I was married and that was the order things should happen. I started working for Visiting Orphans in 2009 just a few weeks shy of turning 35. As I traveled and loved on kids - many of whom were in orphanages - the desire to adopt grew even stronger. In May of 2011, our whole staff traveled to Kentucky to attend the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit. This was my first time attending this amazing conference and I've been back all but 1 year since. At that conference, one of the speakers gave us an assignment to ask God how He sees us and we were all given a blank piece of paper. I felt like he said "mother" and I just sobbed like a baby when I heard that. Just a few months prior, on Christmas morning of 2010, I woke up to a blanket of snow covering the Nashville ground. I got excited like a kid at the moment I saw it but my excitement quickly turned to sadness because there was no one there to share this excitement. I felt this strange and very strong sense that morning that a little one was missing from my home and my life. That is the first time I'd ever felt that "someone is missing" feeling. I began praying hard about adopting as a single - going back and forth with God asking whether I was getting ahead of His timing if I went for it, and then asking if I was holding too tightly to my own ideas of the order I thought things should happen if I didn't go for it. I always wanted to be mom to a little boy from Ethiopia but as I began researching, the agencies I knew of didn't allow singles to adopt from there. I started to think Ethiopia as a country didn't allow single adoption. I looked into other countries, thought about domestic adoption and just kept praying God would show me. I just never felt sure one way or another and always Ethiopia was in the back of my mind and in my heart. I attended some webinars over the next few months and learned more about country programs for certain agencies and got lots of discouraging comments from agency staff about how "single adoption is not our preference but we do sometimes work with singles". You can read more on that topic over on this blog post I wrote called "What Makes Me Mad". During this time, I also came across another blog that really encouraged me called "Should A Single Woman Adopt"- you can read this amazing blog post here. By the time that CAFO Summit happened, I was wrecked and ready to adopt as a single but still didn't know which agency to use, which country, where exactly to start. I was scheduled to lead a Ghana/Uganda combo trip July 2011 and about a month prior when we were working on flights, I emailed my team of 29 people and told them that even though VO had been to Ghana before, for some reason, nothing was coming together for this trip to happen. Contacts weren't responding, the flights were way higher than expected, it just wasn't feeling right. So I told them we could do Uganda only or we could still do 2 countries and do Ethiopia and Uganda. All 29 people picked Ethiopia and Uganda. I remember saying multiple times on conference calls that God must be going to do something amazing in Ethiopia because it was truly remarkable that 29 people would all agree on a schedule change like that. We visited Uganda first and had an incredible week there. Then we headed to Ethiopia. Several days into the trip, on July 24, 2011 - we were serving at an orphanage and that's when my life changed forever. I walked into a room full of babies and toddlers and my team was already all holding kiddos. I walked around the room and looked at all the photos above the cribs of each child and I saw this little boys picture and the words above his photo said "available". I did a quick scan of the room for him and found him. One of my team members was holding him. He wasn't making a fuss about being held but he wasn't totally comfortable either. He was looking around like "what in the world are all these people doing here?" Patricia who was holding him said "Do you want to hold him?" and I of course said "sure". She handed him to me and his posture completely shifted. He instantly melted into my arms like he was home. And I was in love in that very moment. I had loved on lots of kids but this was different. It was such a sweet moment that I closed my eyes to just take it all in. Not knowing that my team member Ashley was snapping a photo at that very moment from across the room. This photo, this moment. Be still my heart. This is when I became a mother.

I didn't put him down the whole time we were there. He sat on my lap and snuggled up as we listened to stories from an American missionary who had moved there to help these kids. Later, he fell asleep in my arms. I didn't want to put him down. And he didn't want me to either. He got very mad when I did. I thought he was sound asleep and I was doing it so gently that he wouldn't wake up. Nope. He knew. He woke up and he was mad. The nannies told me he was "ornery". I thought to myself "I would be too if I didn't have my own mommy to hold me whenever I wanted". As I was holding him that day, the missionary came up to me and said "he's available". I was surprised. I just thought the photo above his bed hadn't been updated and surely this kiddo had a family in process for him. Nope. He didn't. "But I'm single" was my next response. Her reply was "That doesn't matter. There's a lady upstairs visiting her child that she's adopting and she's single." And I just stood there with my mind racing. Maybe I could really adopt a little boy from Ethiopia... as a single. So I talked to the lady who was there and she told me what agency she was using. I found out several others with kids from there were also using that agency. I took down the name of that agency. I was trying so hard to guard my heart and not get my hopes up because I know that most of the time you cannot adopt children you meet on mission trips and there was no telling what obstacles could come up or what might be going on behind the scenes. Maybe he was being adopted and these girls just didn't know that yet. Maybe they wouldn't allow me to adopt him. Maybe it wouldn't work out at all. But maybe it would. 

I tried to play it cool but my team was asking me questions that night at the guest house and encouraging me to pursue this. They could all see that we had a connection and I told them I had already been praying about adopting. I was still just feeling bad about not having a two parent family to offer this child. One of my team members said to me "Why don't you just move forward and ask God to either open or close doors?" And that's what I did. We went back the next day to visit again and I took a zillion pictures and videos, thinking to myself "if this does work out - I'm going to want this day documented". So glad I did! 

As soon as we landed in DC, there was a sense of urgency to pursue this. I started looking for agency contact info from the airport before my next flight. The next day, I contacted that agency. They were pretty discouraging about the possibility of me getting to adopt him and the whole trying to do a pre-identified adoption thing but there was a tiny bit of a maybe so I created this blog and wrote my very first blog post. 2 days later, I had already started fundraising and had talked to a home study agency to get started. I didn't know if I could really adopt him but I knew I had to try and ultimately trust God with the outcome. On August 2nd I found out that the original agency would not work with me at all - they didn't even plan to work with that orphanage anymore. I was discouraged big time. I had found this out during the work day and a co-worker told me about a different past team member of hers that was adopting an older boy from the same orphanage and gave me her contact info to find out who she used. I emailed them immediately and within 30 minutes they called me. The conversation went something like this:

Agency guy: We got your email and would love to help you.

Me: But I'm single.

Agency guy: That's ok. We work with singles all the time. If the director will work with us and if this child is truly available and not already in process, we would be happy to help you adopt him.

Me: Wow, really?

Agency guy: Yes. We will send our guy over tomorrow to talk to the director and find out. If she agrees and we proceed, are you able to pay the initial agency fee of $5500? 

Me: Um, yes, I will start fundraising today. 

The next day, I got an email with photos of Mihretu and a message that asked me if this was indeed the right child and if so, letting me know that he was available to be adopted and the director would work with us. Did I want to proceed? Holy cow - YES!!! This is happening. Talk about open doors and fast ones at that. 

By August 4th, I had already raised $900 which covered half of my home study! I turned into a fundraising machine. I did an ipad giveaway and raised $10,000 in less than a month. I did a garage sale, a reunion concert with my old band, sold items I bought overseas, sold t-shirts, sold necklace designs that I created and my coworker put together, did a drawing for a painting and so on. Like I said, fundraising machine. As each payment was due for the home study, fingerprinting, agency fee, dossier, country fee, etc - the funds were already there to cover it. God blessed my socks off through so many people who came alongside me and donated and prayed and helped bring my little guy home.

On August 6, 2011 - less than 2 weeks from the day we first met - a contract was signed on my behalf between my agency and the orphanage for me to adopt him. Talk about amazing! 

So the beginning of the process moved crazy fast, and then the movement stopped... for quite awhile. I think for almost 9 months there was no update other than "his paperwork still isn't done". The director at that orphanage was not in any hurry to finish his paperwork and I began hearing stories of lots of adoptions held up by this same person. Not good. To know a child could have a family and begin life with that family and yet to keep them in an orphanage for even a moment longer than they needed to be - horrible, unthinkable. So hard to wait and have no control over. All I could do was pray. And I did lots of that. My coworkers prayed with me. So many friends around the world prayed. And one team in May of 2012 broke something in the spiritual realm when they went to war on behalf of those kids, praying over every child and caregiver. I seriously am forever grateful to that team that my coworker Merrill led that May. I feel like they prayed my boy home. 

I think it was May or June, we had a team leader back out from leading a Uganda trip and I didn't want to send the co-leader on her own when she hadn't led before. And it was a big team of 24 so I said I'd lead with her since no movement was happening for quite some time in the adoption and the trip was coming up quickly (July). My coworker Alicia reminded me that our flights to Uganda stop in Ethiopia and so of course I needed to stay after the team left and visit my little guy. I began praying specifically that he would be moved out of that orphanage and into my agencies care center by the time I went because this would mean his paperwork was finally done and we were actually moving forward. Part of me still wondered if it would ever happen and if I truly would be able to bring this little boy home at all. I kept praying. Right after Merrill's team was there in May, we found out the director fled the country and that was truly a Godsend. A board member came in, took over and said they would finish Mihretu's and several other kids paperwork. Literally the day I left for the airport to lead the Uganda team, I got the phone call. Mihretu's paperwork was done and he had just been moved to my agencies care center the night before. I could not believe the timing. Holy cow - I was going to be there in less than 2 weeks and was heading to Uganda and there was finally movement! Praise the Lord!!! I was beyond overjoyed. I think I was almost in shock at the craziness and awesomeness of God's timing. So I got on that plane and I did the best I could to lead that Uganda team well even though the whole time I just could not stop thinking about getting to Ethiopia to be with my boy. As I was in Uganda, I started hearing talk about court dates and emailed my agency to see if I could even possibly get assigned a date within a week or two. They said it was possible. What the what? I could maybe have court while I was there - and I wouldn't even have to make a whole separate trip? I started praying. 

I was reunited with Mihretu on August 1, 2012 - just a little bit over 1 year since we first met. Photographer and friend Wynne Elder came along and took these precious photos of our reunion. Elisa Hyman (my Uganda co-leader who is now one of my closest friends) took video which I have yet to figure out how to get onto my computer. I was so nervous that morning. Would he want anything to do with me? I knew he wouldn't remember me but would he like me this time? So nervous. I remember feeling like I was in a dream. A surreal dream. 

The nannies told him "your mommy is here" and he walked over to me and let me pick him up. He didn't seem scared but he clearly was confused about what was going on. He just stared at me a lot. He discovered my necklace with his picture on it and thought that was pretty fascinating. And then he snuggled up. And as active as I was soon to find out he was, that day he was just a little snuggle bug. He literally snuggled with me all day long. He fell asleep in my arms and I just held him for hours. It was amazing. Everything I had hoped and dreamed and more. After a year of waiting and almost 9 months of no movement at all - I was here with my boy and he was really in my arms. Thank you Jesus. 

I was only going to stay for a few days but when I found out court was even a remote possibility, I changed my flight home and delayed my return a bit longer. I didn't end up getting an official court date but I called my agency guy in country and asked if I could go to court and ask the judge if she would see me since I was there. He said sure and clearly hadn't even thought of that idea till I brought it up. On Monday, August 6th - we went to the court and waited for all the families with appointments to finish and then my agency guy went in and asked the judge if she would do my parental interview since I was in country. She agreed. Praise the Lord!!!! I did my interview and my part of court was done. There was one more document she needed before I could officially pass court and she gave my agency till Friday to get it. I flew home the next day and on Friday, August 10th, I got the email - I passed court!!! The agency director told me he had never seen the whole "parental interview ahead of time thing" ever happen. It was a first but certainly a wonderful first. Yes indeed. It was prayers answered. 

Now that I had passed court, some big funds were due for the country fee and my return trip to go get my son once I got Embassy clearance. I must add here that leaving after court was ridiculously hard and the process of two trips and getting a week with your child and then having to leave the country without them is incredibly difficult. Nothing about it feels right. It's an awful feeling to have to leave your child behind and go home without them. But I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel. 

On August 25th, I got a letter from Show Hope telling me I would receive a really significant adoption grant. Between that grant and the fundraising that had already happened since returning home, I was pretty much fully funded. Money would not keep me from being able to go get my boy the moment they told me I could come. My friends threw me an amazing baby shower, as did the VO staff. This was happening! Here's an overview of the fast moving timeline and financial due dates. God provided miraculously through so many amazing people!

8/31/12 Mihretu's passport is here! 1 more step before Embassy - his medical exam next week!

8/28/12 MOWA approval letter received - 1 step closer!

8/25/12 Got a letter in the mail from Show Hope. I am receiving a grant which means I'm pretty much fully funded!!!

8/23/12 Got Mihretu's birth certificate!!! (mailed a check to my agency for $10,000 for the Ethiopia country fee)

8/13/12 The court decree arrives in record time!

8/10/12 After being back in the states since Wed, I get the word that I have officially passed court and I'm legally Mihretu's momma!

8/6/12 The judge agrees and does my parental interview for court while I'm in Ethiopia! (paid $230 for Mihretu's visa while I was there)

8/1/12 See my boy for the first time in a year!!!

And then there was that "wait there's more" moment when some friends who still remain anonymous donated money toward me getting a minivan. You can read more about that here but let's just say I was blown away. Almost $30,000 raised to bring my son home and friends are giving even more to bless me with a minivan. I was and still am, completely blown away. 

And then the long awaited most glorious wonderful email of all arrived at 2:23 am on Tuesday, October 22, 2012. Subject line said: Case is cleared; request for visa interview. I hit reply to request my first 3 choices of appointment. By the time I woke up at 7:20 am - I had word that I got my first choice. My visa appointment was scheduled for the next Monday, Oct 29th at 9am in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. The amazing travel agent we use for VO got to work on booking my flights and my amazing friend (and co-worker at the time) Merrill came with me and we got on a plane only 3 days later to go get that boy!!! We arrived in Ethiopia Saturday evening. We went first thing Sunday morning to visit Mihretu's sweet grandma about an hour outside of Addis and that was a treasured meeting. Got some cherished photos that are now part of Mihretu's "Story of Me" book I made him. That afternoon, we headed to the care center and I picked up my boy knowing I would never have to leave there without him again. Our family day was Sunday, October 28, 2012. Merrill took these photos of the moment I saw him again after 3 months.

We stayed at the care center for a few hours so he would have time to get comfortable with me before we left there with him. And then we left and rode in a car with no car seat - it's Ethiopia y'all! And we started our journey together as a family and had all kinds of firsts those first few days. First time rocking him to sleep, first night sleeping next to each other, first morning together, first dinner, lunch, breakfast together, first bath and so on. 

Looking back now, it almost feels like a dream. It was all so unfamiliar for both of us. We jumped into this new journey together and many days that first year were hard and rocky and filled with just simply learning each other. I didn't do nearly as well as a mommy as I hoped I would right out of the gate. His trauma stirred up my past trauma and sometimes we were just getting through the day. But other times, many other times, we were being silly and laughing and having adventures together. That first year seems like a blur now almost. I'm so glad I blogged so much so I can look back and see God's faithfulness and how He pulled us through. And oh how much healing He has brought in both of our lives. Mine in areas I didn't even know I still needed healing. Mihretu is the most amazing kid ever. He's smart and completely hilarious. He has perfect comedic timing and he's pretty strong willed too. I remind myself in those strong willed frustrating moments that he's a future leader and that's a good thing. He really is a future leader. He's going to do amazing things. I am pretty sure he's going to be a world changer. I love watching him grow and learn and thrive. He's creative and outspoken and loves to make people laugh. He's social and friendly and always up for a new adventure. Moving to Florida a few months ago was a big change for both of us and sometimes we miss Nashville, our church, our friends and his school there. But every day we are settling in to life here more and more, making new friends and having new adventures. We swim in our pool almost every single day. We got to the beach most weekends. We get to have get togethers with my best friend who now lives in Tampa - we've been friends over 20 years and they just moved to FL the same time we did. How cool is that? We start a small group next week for adoptive families and that is an answer to prayer. I am super excited about that. We still haven't settled on a church home yet although we've tried quite a few and have gone to some several times thinking that might be it. I think we'll know when we find the right one. Super thankful we can go ahead and start in a small group though while we search. We celebrate 3 years as a family next month. In some ways, time has flown by - in other ways, it seems like we've always been together. I can't imagine life without this little guy. I am truly a blessed momma. I am thankful for God's faithful and all the amazingness of our journey. It's just the first chapter of our story. And I love this story. Mihretu is praying for a brother, a sister and a baby so pray for me cause the prayers of a child are powerful and I don't know that I'm ready for all that... yet. ha ha 

Our new home

We've been living in Florida in our new home for just over 3 weeks now.  In so many ways, it feels like we've been here a lot longer than that. For one, our house is all situated, stuff is unpacked and put away, pictures and decor are hung and it just feels like home. For two, unlike when I moved to Nashville and didn't know anyone - we do know some folks here which has helped a lot. We've been getting great use of our pool - we swim pretty much every night after M gets home from camp and sometimes on the weekends, we go in several times in a day. Saturday mornings we've been getting up and taking the dog to the dog park that's only a mile away and then heading to the beach for a few hours. This past Saturday, we discovered a dog beach and took Elsa with us. She wouldn't go near the water but she loved playing with the other dogs and roaming free on the beach. She did great - didn't try to run off or anything. She'd wander down a bit but then come back. She didn't go far. I think we will have to go there more often. We love our house and have already started having some friends over. My best friend since high school just moved an hour away a few weeks ago so we get to see her and the kiddos tonight and I am so thrilled about that and the fact that we are only 1 hour away from each other now. What a surprise awesome bonus! Didn't even know that God had that in the works when we decided to move here.

Mihretu has started saying that he misses our other house just this week. I miss our church and our friends the most. We've tried out 3 churches so far and haven't found the right fit yet. He's been a total trooper about it. This week he came out and said "I didn't like that one. Let's try another one next week." I've been so amazed at how well he's adjusted to our new home and new everything. He was so scared and nervous that first day at camp - I cried as I drove away cause I felt so bad about throwing him into a new place after just moving a week prior. But when I picked him up he was all smiles and told me all about his day and the friends he made. So proud of my brave boy. And oh my, so proud of how well he is swimming. He's like a little fish. Everyday he swims farther and gets more adventurous. This weekend, he saw me do a handstand in the water and then told me he was going to do it and sure enough, he did. He can swim the entire length of the pool with only one breath in the middle now. And he can now swim down to the bottom to grab something and bring it back up. I stand amazed.

We are loving our house and the warm, sunny weather. And I'm so thankful that we have some friends here - my friend Deb lives about 40 minutes away so we've gotten to meet in the middle several times and that's been awesome. And I've been connecting with some past VO team members who live nearby and have gotten together with a few and have plans to do so with a few others and that's so neat. Also a friend who stayed with me when I first bought my house in TN facebooked me like a week ago that she lives here now too so they came over last weekend. How fun!!!! So thankful for having some friends here already and making more. A sweet lady at the dog park told me about a great lawn guy and I called him and he's been cutting our lawn and is also a handyman so he installed our two chandeliers for us. So thankful for that connection. Got to meet his wife and son last week too and they live nearby so hopefully we'll get together with them soon. I love getting connected. I know we will get even moreso connected once we find our church home. Praying we find the right one soon.

Here's a few pictures of our new home and some of our adventures here so far!

The car ride down - we were packed in like sardines. I could barely move my right arm. Elsa did great considering it was her first car ride over 30 minutes and Mihretu did amazing as always. He's my little road trip buddy. 

Hanging out at the dog park:)

Saturday morning beach fun!

I love how his room came out and the fact that his tree with all the names of folks
who donated to help bring him home was able to come to our new home with us!

There's a beach nearby that has a praise band on the beach every Friday night
so we went to hear that at sunset a few weeks ago. Gorgeous!

Best view around right there. Love my babies. 

Got a chandelier installed - we got the same exact one that we had in our TN home which was Mihretu's idea.
Loving our little dining room/living room combo open room. 

My little fish swimming in our pool. 

more beach adventures

My room was the last to finish - but got it done last week.
Loving my home office with a view of the pool out the window. 

The guest room is all ready for our dear friends and family to come visit. My friend Samantha already has a flight booked to come in October. So excited about that!

Living area

Another little spot in the living area

I love this spot with those awesome pictures that I had printed on canvas above the chair

We've been having lots of fun using our diving masks

I love the joy I see in him when we are at the beach!