Summer adventures

I can't believe it's July already! Time is flying by. Mihretu and I just returned from a week in Michigan. I had my 20 year high school reunion and all my family lives up there so we had lots of people to see. This time instead of staying with family, we rented a house. I think I'm addicted to vrbo.com. Now that I have a child, I find that I get extremely anxious when staying at most people's houses. Especially if they don't have young kids living there. I end up nagging Mihretu half to death about not touching things or climbing on things or breaking things and it ends up no fun for anyone. After our amazing Florida vrbo experience and how great the time with M was there - I decided to try it in Michigan. It was great. My mom was able to come spend the night one night. And almost all the family came to visit and go to the beach with us. We weren't right on the beach but we were on the edge of a neighborhood with beach access so we could just load up the provided wagon and head down about 7 houses to the private neighborhood beach. It was so nice. Most of the time when I go to MI - I am so busy running all over the place visiting everyone - I never make it to the beach. This beach time and people coming over to visit us was so nice and made it feel more like a vacation. It was so great to see everyone and have a break to the 98 degree humid weather we had been having in TN the week prior but both Mihretu and I were excited to come home after our week was up.

We drove and I like to get an early morning start since it's a lot of hours in the car and I don't like to drive much of the time in the dark. So, I got up at 4:15 am, packed up the car and got ready and then woke M up at like 4:30. Sweet boy - half asleep he says "Yay - we're going home. Thanks for waking me up mommy". Seriously - what kid wakes up that chipper at 4:30 am (that's 3:30 am back home btw)? He is the best little traveler ever! No issues or meltdowns whatsoever the whole way there and back. So thankful for a good traveler. We got through Detroit and Toledo before rush hour that Friday morning which was the hope. We never hit traffic anywhere and made it home in a record 9.5 hours. YAY!

Here are some pics from our Michigan trip.

we love the beach

those who came to the class reunion daytime picnic

cousin bonding time

Road trip!

bonding with Grandma at the beach

wrestling with Uncle Steve

Happy to go home - even when being woken up at 4:30 am:)

2 days after getting home, instead of returning to the office that Monday - we had an offsite staff retreat. We've been wanting to do one forever but with 7 people on staff - 2 from out of state and most with families - it has been a bear to try and arrange. I finally had an idea that made it work out brilliantly. We rented a house just outside of Nashville on you guessed it - vrbo.com. Told you I'm addicted to that site. It was a great house on Old Hickory lake and our out of state staff were able to stay the night there and those of us who wanted to could stay too. Mihretu and I stayed there that Monday night. I dropped him off at school Monday morning and then went to the house and we had an all day retreat with our amazing VO staff. It was perfect timing since I got back from vacation on Friday and had an email that our landlords at our office found renters for our entire space and were giving us 30 days notice to vacate. We had asked them about a year earlier to start promoting the space since we didn't need that much space anymore and now have a lot of staff that work a majority of the time from home. We were in a 3 year lease so we couldn't just move out but if someone else wanted part of the space or all of it - we could either move into a smaller section or move out altogether. So we were excited about them renting it but having 30 days to get all the details figured out for a big move sounded overwhelming at first. Our retreat was perfect timing to just set those logistics aside and focus on worship, praise, and thanksgiving for all God had been doing in our lives and in VO the past few years. It was so great to go through and thank God for specific prayers answered including all the many many months of praying for Mihretu to get to come home. Lots of tears shed as we prayed and thanked God for so many miracles to make that one happen. It's amazing how when you start out in praise and thanksgiving - how your whole perspective of things that seemed big or heavy or overwhelming just completely shifts. I personally felt a weight lift and just a total peace come over me. Our whole staff experienced that too. It was a lovely day with this amazing team of 7 people. We do life together and I don't know what I would have done without each one of them these past few years. After our amazing all-day retreat - I left at 4 to pick up M from school and bring him back to the house where we were having our staff day. And several of the staff had spouses arrive to join us for the evening and the owner of the house picked us at 6:30 at the boat dock at the house and took us on a beautiful sunset boat ride and dropped us off at Sam's on the Cove for dinner and then picked us up afterwards and took us back via boat ride. It was a really great evening and we got to have some of our family members join us. Having a retreat nearby worked out so great. We will have to do that yearly.

evening boat ride on Old Hickory Lake on staff retreat day

Tomorrow is 4th of July and we are getting together with friends and having some pool time. I am excited about the long weekend. Mihretu loves swimming and fireworks so it's sure to be a great weekend. And best of all - the temps have dropped down to 80's and it's so much more pleasant than the 100 degrees we had a few days ago. Tonight there was even a cool breeze - it was lovely:) Happy July 4th weekend y'all!

Mother's Day 2014

Ah, tomorrow is Mother's Day and I'm sitting here while my precious boy is napping thinking about how grateful I am to be his mom. And how thankful I am for all that God is doing in our lives!

I wanted to be a mom since I can remember. All through middle and high school, I was sure I would get married and become a mom in my 20's. Never did I dream that I would still be single at the age of 38 and that I'd have decided to adopt as a single in my mid 30's. I didn't plan this but oh I am so thankful that this is the life I have. It's not that I don't want to be married because I would love to be married to an amazing Godly man someday. But I just haven't met him yet and that's ok. My life is not any less rich because I'm single. I love this life and this adventure God has me on. It's been hard and at times disappointing. But here and now - in this place - as this little boy's mom and on this side of the adoption and all the joys we are getting to experience together now - there is not one thing I would change. Not one. All roads led me here. All roads led me to that 2011 trip to Ethiopia where I picked up a little boy who felt like home to me. All roads led to the past junk that becoming a parent stirred up and though it was ugly and painful, it revealed places that still needed to be healed in me. And so I have had an opportunity to get some much needed long overdue healing. All roads led to God healing those places I didn't know were there. And to my healing ultimately helping me to help my son in his own places of hurt and pain and healing. God wastes nothing. He uses all our junk, all our pain, all our dark moments and difficult seasons - for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. He's using all my junk. He'll use all yours - if you let him. And for me, I know there's still more to deal with. But the reason that no longer makes me feel awful about myself is because it makes me instead feel wonderful about who God is - the God who is my redeemer, my healer and my provider. It's exciting to me to think of what He has in store for me and Mihretu. And I can only imagine what that looks like. Mihretu is the most amazing kid on the face of this earth. I am the most blessed momma to get to call him my son. He's just great. God surely has big amazing plans for this little guy. He has such a great personality, such a mercy gifting, such a silly sense of humor and he's so smart. He is doing so well and I couldn't be more proud of him.

This Mother's Day, I am especially thankful to be a mom. Especially a mom to this awesome little boy named Mihretu. My joy overflows! Thank you Jesus.

photography by: AmberBeckham.com

I really like this kid

At the beginning of this year, I got serious about health. Emotional health and physical health. Parenting threw me off my game right from the get go and it's been quite a journey of realizing all the baggage I still was carrying around that needed healing before I could fully attempt to help my little guy heal from all his. I began going to biblical counseling in January at Rock House Center. I also started a new healthy lifestyle with Isagenix. The two things in combination were perfect timing. I'm getting to the root cause of some of my buttons and issues and where they come from, and getting lots of healing through lots of prayer and revelation from the Lord who is so faithful and kind! And I'm feeling better than I have in years. I've lost 18 pounds already and have energy to keep up with my active little guy and our 2 puppies who are very rambunctious themselves. God is helping me overcome so many things I've struggled with over the years with my weight and past hurts. And there has been so much breakthrough these past few months. Thank you Jesus!!!

And not only does this breakthrough and newfound peace affect me - it affects Mihretu. I have been truly amazed at the changes in him as a result of the changes in me. I'm a work in progress for sure but I've experienced so much more peace and so much less stress. I've been handling meltdowns and negative behavior with a lot more patience, understanding and grace. It's not a 100% batting average but it's certainly ALOT of progress and I will take it! Mihretu has responded to my changes with more respect, better behavior, lots of affection, and a lot of growth. He just seems to feel more secure and I know that's because of how I'm responding to situations. It really makes a difference.

Our kids are so dependent on us and it's so key that we deal with our junk so we can help them deal with theirs. I am seeing it firsthand in our home. I'm also seeing how kids learn from us and do as we do. For instance, some really cool moments lately where I've been just awed by little things that I've done in front of him that have taken root in his heart.

Whenever I am having a hard time - putting the divider in the dog crate and it was physically difficult to squeeze the crate to get the little slots to go in or when I hit my head really hard on an open cupboard on vacation and had to sit down on the floor cause it hurt so bad I was practically in tears or we encounter a traffic jam or a bad storm - Mihretu has started just folding his little hands together and saying out loud "Dear God - thank you. Help mommy" OR "Dear God - thank you - keep us safe from storm". It is the most precious thing ever. He came over and touched my head when I hit it and kissed it and then said "Dear God - thank you. Please help mommy's head." Be still my heart. This kid is so precious! Of all things he could have picked up that I have done - this is by far the best option. Thank you Lord. My prayer is that these things would sink deep into his heart and he would know God the father as the one who hears, who cares, who loves and who provides all we need - our very present help in time of need.

So we ended up renting out a little apartment within walking distance from the beach in Florida on spring break last week and it was so wonderful. Just me and M and the most peaceful, fun, blissful vacation I've ever had. I just cannot even tell y'all how much I enjoyed his company. He was so much fun to be with, so well behaved, so adventurous, so sweet and loves to do the same things I do. I honestly couldn't think of anyone in the whole world I'd rather take a vacation with. I walked away from that week with so much thankfulness for the closeness we shared and just how much I like this kid. Of course, I always love him but I tell ya what - I really like him too - he is a cool kid. He loves the beach and going out for seafood and being lazy in the morning when we have no place to be. He's funny and totally gets it when I'm joking. He says "you kidding right?" with this little "yeah right mom" look on his face and it cracks me up. He cares about people and loves to be a big helper. He has a mercy gifting which is perfect cause his name means "mercy". He's super smart. He did amazing on 2 super long car rides to Florida and back. On the way back, we hit so much traffic that 10 hours turned into 15 and he didn't fuss one bit. He just watched his movies in the back seat and went with the flow. He's a great little travel buddy. I just really enjoy his company! I'm so lucky to be his mom. I really, really feel blessed beyond measure by this amazing little person that I get to be mom to. I'm in awe of how God puts families together and so thankful that He put us together on that short-term mission trip in 2011!

Another huge breakthrough came last night - Mihretu brought this up on his own - he said after dinner "mommy, I'm going to sleep in my big boy bed tonight". I didn't prompt it, I hadn't been pushing it, I didn't see that coming. If I'm being honest, I thought he was going to change his mind so I was keeping my expectations in check. By golly, he really did it - he slept the entire night in his own bed. This is a huge, huge, huge thing! He still wanted me to stay in there with him till he fell asleep but he knew I was going to my bed once he was asleep and he was ok with that. He just wanted a light in there so I put in two nightlights. He slept all night without waking up and coming in with me. And this morning, I was up at 6 am and he was still asleep so I shut his door so the dogs wouldn't run in there and he slept till almost 7 am. He then walked out and came into my room and gave me a hug like "no big deal that I just slept in my room". I was shocked. Wow. I tell ya what - I think this all just comes back to security. The more patient and loving I am and the more peaceful our home is - the more that overflows onto him and makes him feel peaceful too. And he feels more secure in that. And when he feels more secure, he has more freedom to be independent and not fearful. Thank you Jesus!

I won't venture to say this will be the new norm or that he'll sleep in there every night from now on - maybe he will, maybe he won't. But I am learning to just go with the flow and go with what he needs in the moment, rather than being so desperate for any certain thing to happen. I'm just trying to not have so much riding on every little thing and just seek the Lord in each moment and ask Him what He would have me do. And man, I sure wish I had started out parenting like this cause it sure is a lot more fun and a lot less stressful than how I was trying to do things in the beginning. I'm just thankful God is showing me now while we're still in the beginning stages. He's only been home a year and a half so it's still early. And His mercies are new everyday.

I like 2014 so far. I like this son I've been blessed with. I like this life I have, even though at times it gets chaotic and crazy. And I really like all that God is teaching me and my son and all the healing we are both experiencing because of it!

Interview with Engaging Missions

A few weeks ago, I got the opportunity to be interviewed by Engaging Missions. They have a list of questions they ask the people they interview and I got to share alot of personal testimonies of how God has worked in my life, my favorite scripture and why, how I got involved in Visiting Orphans, how God moved mountains in my adoption and more. If you want to check it out, you can listen to the interview online here:
http://bit.ly/1qrRpk9

Vacation and God blessings!

Mihretu and I hit the road early Saturday morning for a 12.5 hour drive to Venice, Florida. He's on spring break this week and our friend Deb recently moved to FL so I thought it was a good idea to come visit. At the last minute - like 3 days before - I found a sweet little efficiency rental on the beach with a pool too for super cheap and it was amazingly available the days we would be there. What a huge blessing this place has been. It's been so much fun - we are just taking each moment as it comes. It was kind of chilly the first few days but is absolutely perfect today. We spent the whole morning at the beach. Gorgeous!

We've met some nice people also staying in this complex and one is a single adoptive mom - how cool is God? Her daughter is 9 and Mihretu has been playing so well with her. Last night, M & I went to dinner at a little seafood place and the waiter saw my Africa necklace and asked really sweetly if that was where M was from. When I said yes, he said "Your meal is on me. My sister also adopted from Africa and it's great what you are doing." How sweet is that? He totally covered our meal. Another God blessing.

The biggest God blessing of all is in how this story played out. Yesterday Mihretu went out into the water at the beach with his new little friend and she had one of those little boogie boards. He was holding on to it and they were playing. About 15 minutes later as I stood on shore watching him while talking to the girls mom - he went under and I could tell in an instant it had suddenly gotten deeper than his little legs could touch. Talk about fast action - I took off in a sprint through that water like a scene out of Baywatch. It was like everything was in slow motion though - I could see him swimming and coming up for breath every few seconds as he was clearly upset and trying to figure out how to get out of this situation. The little girl stood nearby but had no idea he was in distress. His swimming lessons paid off during those moments when mom was racing as fast as I could to him as he was swimming and able to get breaths. Right as I reached him, he also reached the boogie board - he had located it and swam to it. I scooped him up in my arms and his little heart was just a racing and he was so scared. I was too but kept calm for him and told him how great he did with his swimming and how proud I was that he swam to the board all on his own. He wasn't even very far out - he could touch and then all of a sudden, he couldn't. I laid awake last night thinking about how differently that could have played out had he never taken swim lessons or if I had not been watching, even just for a minute. Just a lesson to never take your eyes off your kid when they are in the water. And honestly, in hindsight, I shouldn't have even let him go out there without me. He's still so little and he doesn't have much experience with the ocean. We both learned a lot in that experience. My brave little guy is not totally freaked out by the water now but certainly a lot more cautious than he was previously. He kept saying "I went under mommy. I don't like that! I don't want to go under again." I told him from now on mommy will go swimming with you. What a scary experience. Thanking God for protection. It's so scary how fast life flashes before you when something like that happens.

M is taking a nap right now after about 4 hours of nonstop playing at the beach this morning. I'm sitting outside our door on the little landing while he sleeps. It's amazing how when you don't have any place to be or any commitments or responsibilities for a week - how magical the time with your child can be. He's like the best vacation buddy ever. He did AMAZING in the long car ride down here. No meltdowns, no issues. We stopped for gas and to go to the bathroom but that was it. We ate snacks and lunch in the car. He watched a bunch of movies and even took a 3 hour nap. The only meltdown thus far here was last night cause he was overtired from no nap yesterday. It was over in about 5 minutes and he was fast asleep about 2 minutes after hitting the pillow. He has been so well behaved and we've just been really enjoying ourselves. He's been just as excited as me about eating seafood and being at the beach. He keeps saying "we're gonna eat crab and lobster and go to the beach and have fun today mommy!" I love this vacation. My favorite one yet! I think we might have to do this every year. It isn't costing much money and yet it's just absolutely relaxing and enjoyable. And we get to spend some time with our friend Deb. She has come over and hung out with us a lot this week. Today she's not feeling well so she's resting at her house

while we have a beach day. After his nap, I think we will go back down to the beach for some more play time. Gotta soak it up while we can. We only have one more day here and then we head to Orlando to see my best friend from Michigan and her family who are staying there this week. How fun that we are both in FL the same week. Can't wait to see them.

Here's a few photos from our time here so far!

We went on a little boat ride at Myakka Park and saw lots of alligators!

Enjoying the beach where we are staying

At Sharky's seafood restaurant and pier

soaking up some snuggles from Auntie Deb

Our new additions

Meet the newest members of our family - Elsa and Buddy! First we got Elsa who looks an awful lot like the dog we had prior. Then we said we'd foster her brother and couldn't give him back - especially after we saw how sweet he was with Mihretu. Mihretu picked his name and it's so perfect - Buddy! So we have not one but two puppies now. It's mass chaos over here but would could resist these sweet faces. I'm cleaning carpets multiple times a day when they pee in the house moments after coming in from outside but sometimes they ring the bell on the back door to go out and that's a huge victory and we praise them often. They haven't pooped in the house in awhile so that's a huge praise. They know how to sit now and Elsa knows "lay down" too. Buddy just looks confused at that one and starts jumping for the treat. We're working on "shake" which would work better if I worked with each puppy separately. They have lots of fun playing together and get quite rough with each other sometimes. Mihretu loves them both but he especially loves Buddy. Here's a few photos from our first few weeks together. We had a professional photo shoot yesterday and that was total chaos. We did a few shots with the puppies in our backyard and I pretty much had to pick them both up to get them to stay put - and that wasn't as easy as it sounds cause they aren't light - especially with one in each arm. I think we got a couple good shots. Then we left them home and went and took some shots elsewhere of Mihretu and I. That was chaos too cause Mihretu was so distracted by rocks and sticks and climbing and "ooh, we're on a train track - never done that before" and nervousness about a train possibly coming while we were on there. I'm sure our friend who is amazing at what she does got some good shots anyway but it wasn't the fun photo shoot I had pictured in my mind prior to the event. Ah, it's our new normal over here - a little bit wild but a whole lot of love! 

2014 - good things happening

Mihretu is growing up before my very eyes. Almost every day he comes up with a new word or phrase or says something that just makes me laugh. His latest thing is that he likes to ask "what does that mean?" when I say a word he doesn't understand. He's speaking in sentences all the time now. Only a few months ago - he wasn't doing that. He's almost 5 years old and he's catching up to his age quickly for a little boy who only a year and a half ago didn't know any english and was living in an institution. He likes to say "that's how it works" and "that's what happened" and "that's what I'm looking for" and "that's when I'm little - now I'm getting bigger". He absolutely loves watching the little video I made him with video footage and photos from when I first met him in 2011 at 2 years old and again when I went back a year later and then when I went to bring him home. It's edited to 2 songs so it's not super long but he LOVES it. He watches it over and over and over. He's super funny and loves to dance and be goofy. And he's so smart. I'm such a proud momma.

I posted this on facebook today but wanted to share it here too cause it just made my day:
Hot water pipes frozen this morning - I started praying out loud that it would not burst the pipes. Mihretu asked what I was doing and I said "praying". Without missing a beat, he put his little hands together and started praying too. "God please help water...." he paused and looked at me for the word so I said "that the pipes won't burst". He repeated me by saying it and then said "amen". Afterwards he asked what burst meant. Love that kid!

Motherhood has been a hard transition for me personally but it's not because of him - it's because of me. It's amazing how all your childhood junk gets stirred up when you become a parent. I spent the first year beating myself up at my reactions to things that in my rational mind I knew were totally ridiculous. Triggers, they call em. Buttons that when pushed take you back to familiar feelings or reactions you had years ago. Like 20 or more years ago in this case. I've tried to be as real as possible in my blog for hopes that it could help someone else who may relate to some of my struggles. A few weeks ago I started counseling. I decided to go with a place in town called Rock House Center because of their biblical and prayerful approach to it. I have been to a lot of different types of counseling in my life and the last series of counseling sessions I went to a few years back were prayer focused and spirit led and that was hands down the most healing I've ever experienced so I wanted something similar this time. So thrilled with the first 3 appointments. It's hard when you start unpacking all your baggage from your childhood to someone new who doesn't know your history. When you spew it all out at once, it sounds like an awful lot. My goodness. But it's also so freeing to just get it out and try to honestly explain to someone how you feel and what current present day emotions remind you of situations from childhood. We've already covered so much ground. And I'm already seeing differences in my responses to things, more awareness of when I begin to feel overwhelmed or anxious or those buttons get pushed and paying attention to how I'm feeling in those moments. So thankful for all that God is showing me and teaching me. And for the grace He's giving me for myself. That was the biggest reason why year #1 was the hardest - I was being so incredibly hard on myself. And it set me on a path of feeling totally down and while I didn't even fully realize it at the time - I can look back now and honestly say I was depressed. I just felt so defeated and so disappointed in my reactions and feelings. All of which completely took me by surprise. What I'm learning this week is that change is a process and that's ok. It doesn't necessarily happen overnight.

On another health related note, I began a new journey with my physical health a few weeks ago too. I'd been seeing some friends post about Isagenix on their facebook pages for awhile and I was very much in need of doing something to feel better and lose some of this excess weight I'd been carrying around for like 4 years. I was just feeling sore all the time - my back was hurting like everyday and my left heal had started hurting - thought I had a heal spur honestly. I didn't have any energy or motivation and really just wanted to feel better because I truly believe that played a part in my moods and feeling down. I'm on day 22 and I am so thankful. I feel great! My back and even my foot are not hurting any more which is a huge praise. I've already lost 9 and a half pounds. I can totally tell a difference already and it's been super easy to follow. 2 really yummy shakes each day and then a real dinner (healthy, of course) and a cleanse day (or 2) each week. I discovered pretty quickly that I have a gluten sensitivity cause after not having it for awhile and then having it - I instantly felt awful. So tired I felt drugged within like 20 minutes of eating it. Very interesting. I think I just had a lot of inflammation all the time before and that was why I was hurting all the time. Anyway, I won't go on and on about this but I'm just sharing to say that I'm excited about this year and all that I feel like God is going to do as I focus on health - physical, spiritual and emotional. I'm excited to be not only losing some unwanted pounds but also to letting God heal and transform me into a better mom who isn't so anxious and overwhelmed so much of the time.

In the meantime, Mihretu is loving the shakes too and since I'm no longer doing coffee which he so very much loved to help me make in the morning - he is excited that he gets to help me scoop out the shake mix and dump that and the water into the blender each morning. He LOVES to help. He would rather help with that kind of thing or transferring laundry from the washer to the dryer or unload the dishwasher or take out the trash over playing with toys any day. That's why Montessori is so perfect for him. It just fits who God made him to be. He's my independent little guy who loves to help. In his class at school it's mixed ages and this year he's one of the big kids and he thrives on helping so he has really been a huge helper with the younger kids at school. Especially those first few weeks when the little ones were adjusting. It made me so proud of him when his teachers would tell me how he helped with the young friends and showed them around, made them feel at ease and taught them things. I tell ya what - God has big plans for this little guy. He's a future leader for sure. I just love watching him blossom! I'm so blessed to get to be his mommy.