Empowered to Connect

This weekend, I attended the Empowered to Connect Conference here in Nashville. For two days, I learned about brain function and what chemicals the body releases when a baby is nurtured and loved and their needs are met. I also learned about what happens when those needs aren't met and how devastating that is for kids from hard places. Even in the most loving orphanage, it's still not the kind of nurturing a child will get from his very own momma. To be held and stared at for hours a day. To cry and know someone is coming to meet their needs. To feel safe, to feel precious, to feel loved unconditionally. To know he'll be fed and his diaper changed. To know he has this person(s) who is always there for them. My sweet boy hasn't had that. He hasn't had consistency. I'm pretty sure there have been days when his little tummy has been hungry and his needs haven't been met. The rest of what he's been through - I may never know. But I know he has experienced much loss and hurt in his young life and that alone is enough to make any momma just want to lock herself in a room and sob for days. But you can't stay in that place. You have to move into the place of hope. And that's what this conference was all about. It equipped me with knowledge and understanding and tools for how to bring healing in my sweet boys body, soul and spirit. I truly hope that the things I learned will stick with me in moments when my knee jerk reaction could be frustration and instead turn it into compassion. Compassion for an innocent child who isn't intentionally acting out or being defiant but a child who has been in survival mode for a long time and didn't have the nurturing he needed. Dr. Karyn Purvis talked about giving our children a voice, letting them know they're precious and that they are safe and can trust us. While that is a huge responsibility that could be overwhelming, I just found myself wanting even more to get my boy home so we can begin the journey toward healing.

There's so many unknowns and so much info. I don't know what specific things will be a struggle for him. But I know that whatever it is, there are resources out there to help me so I can help him. I am beginning a journey with my son. And I feel so honored to be the one who gets to be on this journey with him. I know there will be many hard days ahead but I also know that I don't have to go it alone. I am so thankful for that. I've been thinking so much lately about all the families who adopted 20 years ago and didn't have all the resources we have today. I feel so blessed by conferences like this one and books about attachment and adoption and how to help our children heal. I'm thankful for other adoptive families willing to be transparent and real about their struggles. I'm thankful for a support network and most of all for a father in heaven who demonstrated exactly what adoption looks like when he adopted us!!!

My prayer is that Mihretu would know that I'm his safe place and that the connection we already have would continue to grow stronger every day and that the Lord would give me wisdom and compassion and patience and kindness and gentleness with this precious child He has entrusted to me.

Lord empower me to love my child well and to parent him in a manner worthy of this which you have called me to. Equip me with every tool that I need and all wisdom from above to be exactly what Mihretu needs me to be. Help me to be a very real example to him of what love is and who you are. Thank you in advance for this gift and for the honor of being this precious child's mom. Lord please be in all the details needed to bring him home soon so we can begin this journey together.

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. ~ James 1: 5

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness. ~ James 3:17-18

And the winner of the "Season of Thanks" painting is...

IMG 2329 from Autumn Kerr on Vimeo.

Thank you to everyone who has contributed toward me bringing my son home. I will be eternally grateful!

I apologize for the sideways video - not sure how to fix that:) 

Blessed beyond my comprehension

So I've been completely blown away by the generosity of friends, family and strangers alike. God is using boatloads of people from everywhere to get this sweet son of mine home. God has been on this from the beginning. After losing my job a few years ago and seeing how faithfully God provided during that season, provision is just not something I generally stress about. Some people have emailed me and asked how in the world I would raise that much money. I didn't know but I knew God did. And here we are, a little over a year later and He has totally provided in some really neat creative and fun ways. There were periods of long waiting and no news from my agency because nothing was happening with paperwork. But with the financial side of things - before I've even needed money for the next due date, it was there. I know this is all God because I haven't done anything worthy of any of this. But God loves Mihretu even more than I do and He's making it very clear to this momma that He is that sweet boys Abba Father and He WILL move heaven and earth to get this boy to his forever home. I also know that He will continue to provide for him and our family once he's home. There is so much peace and comfort in that. Especially as a single momma.

At this moment, between a generous ShowHope grant and lots of donations, sales from my blog store, yard sale and concert funds, I'm at just over $29,000 toward my adoption. It's abundantly more than I could have asked or imagined. I am thankful. So thankful.

And then on top of all that - the "but wait there's more" moment comes. No it's not an infomercial - it's crazy awesome mind blowing sweet friends who are still blessing me - this time in a way I would have never even thought of!!!

This was my facebook status last night:

Ridiculously blessed by a surprise tonight in which my small group informed me that an anonymous donor gave a large amount of money toward me getting a more reliable vehicle for when I bring my sweet boy home. Then my small group friends asked other people who knew me if they would be willing to match the donation and a bunch of other people donated on top of that to go toward it. I was completely shocked and surprised. Never saw that coming. I already feel so incredibly blessed by all the support for my adoption costs. Never in a million years would I ever dream of anyone donating above and beyond for a vehicle. It's all anonymous so I have no idea who to thank but you know who you are - a HUGE THANK YOU!!! I am a bit in shock but incredibly touched and completely surprised. Wow.

Yeah - wow is really the only word for that!!! This just feels different than the donations for the adoption. This feels more personal and more like a gift for me. First of all, I LOVE minivans and everyone who knows me well knows that. (No, I am not joking btw.) I am often known to say the words "if I had a minivan..." followed by statements such as "we could use it to take a staff road trip" or "I could totally fit all of these yard sale items in it". The Honda Odyssey in particular has a special spot in my heart. I drove one many times while babysitting for some sweet girls whose family owns one. Love, love, love it! Stow and go seats, push button sliding doors when you're carrying heavy groceries, room for all your friends and getting to ride high up - yeah, what's not to love!!! Minivans are so practical and I'm a practical girl. But to me, wanting one just feels like a desire. Not a need per say although of course it is a great family vehicle and it will be easier for getting a toddler in and out and probably safer than my current car. But because I love minivans so much - it really feels like that feeling some people might have about getting to indulge in an awesome vacation. I know - you're laughing at me right now cause not too many people in this world would feel that excited about a minivan. But I do. And so that's why this feels so much different, so much more like a gift for me. If I'm being honest, I much prefer being the giver than the receiver. But I can see God teaching me and showing me that He wants to bless His kids with gifts and He cares about the things that we love and want. I am completely in awe that my friends would want to donate EVEN MORE money on top of all the money they've already given to the adoption to help me get a minivan. I mean, seriously - I have the best friends in the whole world and you should have seen how excited they were about it. There truly is so much joy in blessing people with good gifts. I love being on that side of it. And while it feels a little strange on this side of it - I'm seeing such a neat glimpse of God's love and how the body of Christ is to care for one another in all of this. We are the church. And all of this - what a story to tell Mihretu as he's growing up! "Look what God has done to get you home, to bless you and your mommy and to provide for your family sweet boy!" No detail of our lives is too small for God. I'm still letting all of this sink in - still kind of shocked at the whole thing. I really would have never imagined. But God did. He's the best dad ever!!!

More real everyday!

I'm getting more excited every day - if that's even possible! My friends threw me a shower last Sunday - it was so much fun and I was so blessed by everyone who came and all the amazing stuff they showered me with to prepare me for bringing Mihretu home. I am pretty much set with almost everything I need.

The car seat came last night - a gift from my best friend in Michigan. I was so excited - I assembled it and installed it in my car right away. I am now driving around with a car seat! 

It's becoming more real every day. 

I've washed all his 3T clothes since that's the size he's in now. All the 4T and up are hanging up in the guest room closet for when he gets into that size. I've rearranged his room like 10 times, I've hung the paintings I got in Uganda, I've cleared out the kitchen cupboards to make room for sippy cups, plastic plates and bowls and kids utensils. I've moved all cleaning supplies to a top shelf that is unreachable to a toddler, all plug outlets are now covered with those handy dandy protector cover thingys, all his sheets and bedding are washed and I'm picking up any items I still need as well as packing the diaper bag for when I go get him. 

Yup, it's becoming very real. 

And this momma is super excited. 

I can't wait to put on the Ergo carrier that my small group got me and walk through the doors to that airport with my super adorable son strapped to me knowing we are on our way home! It's happening and God gets all the glory. I am SO thankful!!!

Here's some of the recent awesome updates. BTW - all of these steps are happening faster than normal which of course is totally fine by me.

Most Recent Adoption Timeline

• 8/31/12 Mihretu's passport is here! 1 more step before Embassy - his medical exam next week!
• 8/28/12 MOWA approval letter received - 1 step closer!
• 8/25/12 Got a letter in the mail from Show Hope. I am receiving a grant which means I'm pretty much fully funded!!!
• 8/23/12 Got Mihretu's birth certificate!!! (mailed a check to my agency for $10,000 for the Ethiopia country fee)
• 8/13/12 The court decree arrives in record time!
• 8/10/12 After being back in the states since Wed, I get the word that I have officially passed court and I'm legally Mihretu's momma!
• 8/6/12 The judge agrees and does my parental interview for court while I'm in Ethiopia! (paid $230 for Mihretu's visa while I was there)
• 8/1/12 See my boy for the first time in a year!!!

Too excited to sleep!!!

I don't know how I'm supposed to sleep tonight. I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve. Only this is even better. I just have to blog in this moment. I am so excited. I just got home from my friends baby shower and checked my mail to find a letter notifying me that I am going to receive a rather large adoption grant. With the addition of this grant and all the money raised in the last 2 weeks, I think I'm pretty much fully funded (or very close to it). Whoa!!! This is huge!!!! Of course, I won't know the exact amount needed until I know when I'm going to get him and how much the flights are. But I do know that I'm really, really close and it's the most exciting thing ever. As soon as I get the word from my agency that I can go - there's nothing holding me back. Definitely not finances!!!! God is so good. And He truly does provide. Thank you Jesus!

On top of realizing that I'm pretty much ready to go financially speaking, my friends are throwing me a baby shower tomorrow. I've thrown a whole bunch of baby and wedding showers over the years but I can't even describe how excited I am that I get to have one and that ultimately the fact that we're having a shower means one very important thing: this is finally, really happening! My boy is coming home soon!!! Praise the Lord. There will be much joy and celebration tomorrow, that is for sure. 

I feel so blessed, especially this week  - I've been so amazed at the outpouring of support from family, friends and strangers around the world who were commenting on my photos, spreading the word on their facebook pages and encouraging others to donate to help get my sweet boy home. So many have donated. So many have sent me notes of encouragement. So many have been praying.

The Visiting Orphans staff took me to lunch and a movie Friday to celebrate me passing court. And they gave me the book "You are Special" and what they wrote inside is so very special. They wrote the sweetest message to Mihretu. I couldn't read it without crying. It blessed me so much. I cannot wait for him to get here and meet all these amazing people in my life.

So many already love this little boy that I love so very much. I'm seeing the body of Christ in action and I'm seeing the Lord provide in so many neat ways. It's everything you can think of - from several of my friends helping to take care of my dog for free for 2 weeks (that saved me like $600) to some serious blessings in Ethiopia of several nights free lodging to the miraculousness of getting to meet with the judge and do my parental interview while I was already in Ethiopia therefore saving me at least several thousand dollars by avoiding having to book another flight over there. The list goes on. And then there's all of the people I don't even know who have read my blog, saw others posting about my adoption and felt led to give - that blows me away. And on top of all that - there is my amazing group of friends and family who have been celebrating with me and just encouraging me so much throughout this whole process. The prayers alone that have gone up on behalf of this adoption and this child  - more than I can count. Mihretu doesn't even know yet how truly loved he is and how many people have played a part in this adoption and ultimately in his future. Amazing!!! Plus y'all have literally prayed me through - during many months of no movement at all, during discouragement and impatience and wondering if things would ever move. I see God using all of you in this. You are all part of this story. And I'm so glad I have a tree hanging over Mihretu's bed that will display every one of your names. From the bottom of my heart - thank you. I wish you knew just how much you've blessed me and strengthened me during all of this. Words cannot even quite express how I feel. I'm overwhelmed with the goodness and the love that has been poured out. My joy is overflowing.

$10x10 Adoption Fundraiser

It's entering the final trimester of this adoption - yay!!!! I finally passed court and will be going to get my sweet boy within a few months once I get word that visa's, interviews and all is finalized and I have my Embassy appointment. I cannot wait!

In the meantime, there are some adoption costs yet to be raised. So many people have already generously donated so I hesitate to put out another push to fundraise but if you're an adoptive family or you know one - well, then you also know that when it comes to getting your kids home, you can't be shy - you gotta let the need be known. Each person who donates, no matter what the amount, is part of this adoption story and your name will go on the tree I painted that hangs above Mihretu's bed. There are over 75 names already on there!!!!



It takes a village to bring these kids home - a very large, amazingly generous, prayerful, loving village. I am grateful for every one those villagers - past, present and future!!!

So, the next fundraiser is: 
$10x10 Adoption Fundraiser

For every $10 dollars you donate, your name will go into the drawing for this original 36x24 painting "Season of Thanks" by me:) And if you spread the word and tell 10 others and they donate $10 - the donations will multiply super crazy fast and I'll have all the funds needed to bring my sweet son home in no time! The drawing will be one month from today on September 15th!!!! Just click on the donate tab above and for every $10, your name goes into the drawing for this painting and all funds go toward bringing my son home.

Speaking of my sweet boy, I can finally share this photo from the first 30 seconds when I met Mihretu last July. It was instant love!!! I cannot wait to bring him home. He is so precious and full of personality. I can't wait for y'all to meet him in person.

Today is the Day!!!!

This morning I got an email from my adoption agency - I passed court!!! And this whole scenario about me getting to do my parental interview while I was there and court happening like this - he literally said "I have to admit that in the past six years this is a first but it is certainly a wonderful first." Seriously!!! Talk about favor!!! It's all glory to God. To say I'm overjoyed, is an understatement. Now I wait for an Embassy date and then I go bring him home.

So as of today - Friday, August 10th - I am legally my sweet boys momma! And therefore, let me introduce you to my precious son: Mihretu James Samuel Kerr
Photos taken by the amazing Wynne Elder