Answered Prayers

I just returned home yesterday after a week in Ethiopia with my sweet boy. It's so crazy how everything came together. Let me start from the beginning of how I even happened to be going to visit in the first place.

So like 2 months ago a team leader backed out of leading a Uganda trip. The co-leader hadn't led before so I didn't want to send her to lead by herself, especially with a 28 person team. I prayed about it and felt like I was supposed to co-lead with her. I hadn't scheduled myself to lead any trips in awhile because it's hard to plan ahead when you're adopting because you just never know what could happen and I didn't want to have to back out on a trip. But with only 2 months notice, that was totally doable. So I talked with the co-leader and it became official.

In the meantime, my coworker says to me "you're going to visit your little guy while you're over there right?" to which I replied "we're not going to Ethiopia". To which she replied "yeah but don't you remember - you fly through Ethiopia to get there and back. You should ask your agency if you can see him." Hello! Duh? I totally forgot about us flying through Ethiopia. My agency said sure I can visit and so I made plans to stay behind for a few extra days so I could see my boy after the Uganda trip was over. The flight didn't even cost any extra. Awesome!!!

So even though it had been almost a year and he was still in the orphanage and his paperwork still wasn't done, I started praying big prayers. Prayers that didn't fit in the usual timelines or seem possible. But knowing ALL things are possible with God. I prayed and my exact prayers were answered.

Literally the day I left for Uganda - I got the word. My little man's paperwork was finally done and he had just been moved to my adoption agencies care center. What?????? I was overjoyed, pretty emotional and heading to the airport for the first part of my journey to get to him. I had specifically prayed this would happen and it did. Praise the Lord!!!!

And the answers continued to come. While I was in Uganda, my coworker Merrill texted me one night at 3 am with excited news. I have been submitted for court!!!! Whoa - this is all crazy awesome timing. I also got an email from another mom adopting a little girl around the same age from the same orphanage to tell me she had a court date and would be in Ethiopia while I was there. Her little girl and my little boy are buddies and got moved to the Care Center the same day!!! If she has a court date - I could have one too!!!!!! Oh my goodness.

After an amazing 9 days in Uganda with a great team, myself and my co-leader headed to Ethiopia. Elisa stayed three days and I was supposed to stay 4 and then head home. I was praying for a court date while I was there but found out the day before I was supposed to come home that the judge was requesting an additional document. It was looking less likely I could have court or if I did - it was looking like I might have to extend my stay for awhile and I really needed to get back to work. I called my agency contact in Ethiopia and asked if there was any way the judge would see me on Monday since I'm in town and already have seen my child and then I wouldn't have to be there for court. He said "oh, yeah, that could work. Come with me on Monday." So our awesome travel agent changed my flight for me and I stayed till Tuesday evening, which gave me 7 full days with my sweet boy.

On Monday, August 6, I went with my agency guy to the court and he had an assistant pull my file and we waited for all the scheduled appointments to happen and then he asked if the judge would see me and praise the Lord - she said yes. She did the parental interview with me and my part is done. Hoping to hear word soon that the other document has been provided and I've officially passed court. Then I will be legally his mom and can post pictures of his sweet face. In the meantime, I can post some of the great shots that don't show his face that were taken by my photographer friend Wynne Elder who went with me on the first day that I saw him after a year!!! What a cherished time - especially to have so many great pictures of.

Another prayer answered - I was so nervous but when I arrived at the orphanage, he came right to me and put his arms up for me to pick him up. He was unsure about the camera snapping away in the distance but he warmed right up to me. He wanted to be held literally all day. I got some amazing snuggle time with my sweet boy. And lots of smiles and even some kisses. It just felt so natural to have him in my arms. He even fell asleep in my arms. It was the perfect day. I wasn't sure how he'd respond to me. It couldn't have gone any better.

Over the course of the 7 days I got to spend with him, I got a great overview of his little personality and my boy loves to be held and be as close to mommy as possible. He doesn't like it when I leave and screams "mommy, mommy" and throws an all out fit. It was very hard to leave him each day and especially the last day. I definitely saw some major melt-downs and temper tantrums throughout the week. He is a toddler, after all. He was definitely testing mommy so one of the things we will have to establish very quickly when I bring him home is boundaries. I'm also going to get a book one of the other moms recommended with basic Amharic. It'll be so much easier to communicate if I know some Amharic. Some of his frustration was him wanting things but not knowing how to tell me. By the end of the trip, he was getting very good at pointing and I was learning some basic Amharic words - especially the words for no because my boy is a little bit of a trouble maker. He's definitely going to be a handful. I'm just thankful for getting to see a full range of his little personality and needs, challenges, etc - so I can prepare even more.  Plus a few of the days, he didn't feel good so we took him to the doctor and they gave him meds for a bacterial infection that was making for some seriously nasty diapers. Yup, a few blow-out diapers while I was holding him - I'm officially a mom now that I've been pooped on:) ha ha I hung out with him everyday at the care center but the day we took him to the doctor, I brought him back to the guest house with me afterwards and he was so cute and curious in the car ride and in the room. He played in the bathroom sink for at least 30 minutes. He thought that was pretty cool. We ate spaghetti and then he fell asleep in a carrier on my back that one of the ladies let me borrow. Had I known he'd want to be held so much, I would have brought a carrier. Will definitely be bringing one next time - that will really save my back. And he loved it. I got lots of pics and video of my time with him - captured his cute little voice, his laugh, smiles and even a few tantrums on video. What a precious time I had with him. It was very hard to leave but so much easier knowing all that has transpired with his paperwork being done, him being moved to the care center, me getting submitted for court and then able to do the parental interview with the judge. Once I get word that I passed court, it is an estimated 2-3 months wait time for Embassy. And that's when I get to bring him home!! I'm praying for the week of October 1st.

God is soooo good and I am so thankful! 

Sun Stand Still Prayers

I just read a great book called Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick and now I'm reading The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. I think it no coincidence that both books are about the power of our prayers. I think too often we underestimate them. And by we, I mean me. Too often I have prayed a few times and then stopped praying because I figured God already knows my prayers and honestly, I get bored of hearing myself pray them over and over.
But when you're in a situation where you are totally not in control (like adoption, for example) and you don't know what more you can do to make it go any faster, all you can do is pray. When it's not just about you - it's about a little boy sitting way longer than he should be, in an orphanage when he could have a momma and a forever home, all you can do is pray. When there are delays and you don't understand, you pray. I've gotten to that place and in that place, I'm realizing that should have been the first place I started. Don't get me wrong - I have been praying about this all along. I was praying about this adoption long before I knew when I would do it and long before I knew a specific little boy that I was fighting for. I've been praying. But not Sun Stand Still prayers like I've been on my face praying lately. These are the desperate "Lord move those mountains, I need you to do it, I can do nothing" prayers. They are the sobbing barely can hear my words but I know God knows what they are prayers.
I know He hears me. I know it's not His will for that little boy to be stuck in an orphanage. I know I'm called to adopt. And I know God opened the door for me to pursue this adoption with this little boy. I've seen Him providing. I've seen Him putting people in place to watch over and care for M in the meantime. I know God's heart is for adoption. And when you know who God is and what His will is - then you can stand confidently in battle and war on behalf of your child and this adoption and pray boldy for all mountains to be moved to bring him home.

I am praying Sun Stand Still prayers. And I am believing God will answer them. I'm believing I'll have my son home soon. And I'm so excited to see him and hold him in my arms in less than 30 days when I get to see him for the first time in a year!! I'm coming buddy. I'm coming. And pretty soon, I'll be coming to get you and bring you home with your forever momma!!!!!

Sun Stand Still prayers... because God is bigger and He's got this. There's a war going on and I'm on the winning team so I'm going to battle for this child in prayer. And I wait in eager anticipation when I too can sometime say "I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him." 1 Samuel 1:27

My heart hurts

I'm trying to stay busy so I don't think every second about the fact that my child is on the other side of the world and I've missed almost a whole year with him already since we first met. I'm counting down the days until I see him again (next month) but dreading 4 days later when I have to leave there without him and come home. I'm praying for a miracle - that somehow, someway, I could bring him home when I go. I know it seems impossible and unlikely and yet, I know God can do anything. I believe He can. I hope that He will.

But in the meantime, in this moment, my heart just hurts. I want to go get him and bring him home so he has a forever momma who gives him all the snuggles and attention he needs and wants. Oh my sweet, sensitive, snuggly one - I would come get you right now if I could.

It seems like forever. And yet, I see on my facebook every day other families welcoming home their little ones that they waited so long for. Many of them waited longer than I've been waiting. And I'm sure they had days when it felt like forever too. Most days feel that way. But it finally happened for them. It gives me hope to keep holding on and believing that day will come. Praying it'll come soon. Really, really, soon. And once it does, then we have forever. I'm holding on till forever.

I'm ready for you, little man. Your momma is SO ready!

a new blog

I have 2 blogs. On the other one, I just wrote a blog about being overwhelmed and what the Lord is teaching me in it!

http://autumn-seasonsofautumn.blogspot.com/2012/06/you-should-be-overwhelmed.html

I was just reflecting on my post and what I wrote and what I feel like God is teaching me. I am fully aware that if I feel overwhelmed now, I won't probably really understanding what truly overwhelmed feels like until I bring home my sweet boy who has been through so much and begin the process of attachment and the road to healing his precious heart. I read all these books about kids from hard places and I find my heart often aching over what my sweet, young, innocent little boy has already been through in his young life. I want to get him home to begin that process of healing so badly so that his little heart doesn't have to go through any more transition or instability or pain. Obviously it's not like coming home is going to mean he never has any pain or hard times again but it's almost unbearable to me to think of the situation he's in now.  So when you hear me say "I can't wait till he's home" please understand that I'm not saying it because I'm naive enough to think it's going to be some big magically happily-ever-after fairytale when he's home. I know that it's not. I know that it's going to be hard, exhausting and every day will present new challenges and when I say I'm overwhelmed now, I realize I have no idea. I read enough blogs, books and talk to enough adoptive parents to know that I really don't fully know what is ahead or what I'm signing up for. What I do know? Much in life that is worth anything isn't easy. Again with that scripture about to him who much is given, much is required. God is giving me a precious son - a child of his to care for. Heck yes much is required. It should be!!! And besides God isn't interested in what's easy on us, He's interested in growing us and shaping us more and more into the likeness of His son. So I'm knowingly signing on for pain, hard times and brokenness (my own) because I believe I'm called to this and I believe there's a little boy who is worth the time and the energy, as hard as it may be, to have a momma who is willing to invest in him and strap in for the road to healing and wholeness, no matter how bumpy that road might be. So much is unknown about the specifics of what he'll need or the struggles he'll have and the impatient side of me just wants to get him here so we can begin figuring all that out. But I also recognize the transforming God is already doing in me as I wait and how that transforming is preparing me more and more for this journey as his mom. I hate waiting, I really do. But I also see beauty in how God wastes nothing, including this time. I'm all about learning all that I can. If it makes me a better mom, sign me up!  

On that note, I'll end with my all-time favorite scripture.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." ~ James 1:2-4 (NIV)

Until We're No Longer Apart

Having a hard day today. Nobody ever said adoption was easy and it's certainly not for the faint of heart. But there are precious children who are so worth it all and so we hold on.

I'm trying to get to you
I can't get there fast enough
I'm trying to get to you
I wish you could feel my love

I'm trying to do all I can do
but there are mountains in the way
mountains that only God can move
Hold on little boy
your momma is coming as soon as she can
and the Father, He has you
and your name is written on the palm of His hand

Oh how loved you are
do you even know?
by the God of the Universe
and the momma who can't wait to bring you home

Hold on little man
I'm trying to get to you
I will do all that I can
and I know Jesus will too

It's hard for me to wait
I know it's hard for you too
But I'm believing for miracles
and it's faith that gets me through

I'm trying to get to you
I'm ready to bring you home
Please stay strong
And know you're not alone
I may be far away
but you're right here in my heart
And I'll keep trying to get to you
Until we're no longer apart.


Love you little man! 
~Mommy

Mother's Day is Hard

It's a hard day for a lot of people.
Those who lost their moms, some of them who've lost a mom just this year.
Those who so deeply desire to be moms but haven't been able to either because it just hasn't happened yet, or infertility, adoptions that have fallen through or are a taking very, very long time, those who have husbands that don't want children or those waiting for a husband first.
Those who didn't have a mom growing up or had one but she was abusive or neglectful.
Those in hard circumstances who made the brave decision to give birth and make an adoption plan for their child.
Those who have lost children both before they were born or after - who mourn the loss all over again every year at this time.

All of these things and probably many, many more that I didn't list are reasons why Mother's Day can be sad instead of joyful for a lot of woman around the world. This morning at church, several people came over and said Happy Mother's Day to me. It meant a lot to me to be acknowledge as a mom, even though my child is not here yet or legally my child. It meant a lot to me that others recognized that it might be a hard day for me and for others. It meant a lot to me that my church prayed and acknowledged that it can be hard and that this year they didn't ask the moms to stand up. I was dreading the moment that they might do that - not wanting to stand but yet wanting to. Knowing I'm not officially, legally a mom yet but also knowing that I am a mom fighting for her child now and for the past 9+ months. So thankful they didn't ask the moms to stand up. So thankful they prayed and acknowledged all the hurt in the room. I know I wasn't the only one who was having a hard day.

In the midst of all that - in sorrow, there's also gladness for today I recognize and honor my mom and so many others who have been like mothers to me. There are many, over the years - family, friends families, and mentors. I have truly been blessed by some seriously amazing woman. And though some of them are not moms "officially" or "legally" - they have served in a mother figure role to me. So I think in a way, we're all moms to someone. Whether you're a mom because you babysit once in awhile and look after someone else's kids or teach Sunday school for an hour a few times a month, or take a moment to be in a mothering role to a friend going through a hard time - it all matters. It all looks similar to the mom role. So to all of the woman out there - Happy Mother's Day. You don't have to have children to mother others. Never underestimate the power of the love of a dear sister who jumps in and takes on a mothering role, even if just for a moment in time. These are the moments that change lives. These are the women God uses. And I'm honored to be among so many of them.

There is joy in the midst of sadness. There are amazing women in our midst. Many who don't even realize how truly amazing they are. Many who had a hard day today. If you're reading this and you're one of them - just know that it's ok to be sad - take your sorrows to Jesus' - he hears your cries and loves you. You are a daughter of the Most High King! He knows the desires of our heart and he longs to give good things to His children. Cast your cares on Him. And remember how deeply you are loved.

Happy Mother's Day.

For this child I prayed

The tree in my son's room is almost finished. Names have been added to the leaves and the only thing left is to add any new names between now and the time I get him home. I also need to add something above the painting. Was originally going to have it say "Love Brought Me Home" but am not sure if that will still be the case. Was thinking instead of having it be the scripture from 1 Samuel that says "for this child I prayed". Working on his room has given me something to do to pass the long months of waiting. I can't control the waiting but it at least makes me feel like I'm working toward getting him home when I can work on his room and this painting. 

On Easter, my small group with 2 couples and their combined 6 kids were at my house. The photo below is all the kiddos playing in my little guys room. I'd say it passed the kid friendly test:) 

Can't wait till he's really here.